What it takes
by Billiebee3
Summary: Faith gets hurt and is forced to let Buffy and her friends take care of her. Then, when they end up having to go inside her mind to stop a demon from killing her, things start to make a lot more sense about the girl they deemed as 'evil'.
1. Almost

_Author's note: Don't own anything on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And this is NOT a slash fic. I just think it would be interesting if everyone got to see Faith without the tough girl front she always guards herself with and figure out what's underneath it. I don't know yet which or even if anyone will be paired, so feedback would be wonderful. Oh, and this happens sometime in the mist of Faith going bad the first time with the mayor though it doesn't really have an exact time slot. This story is so far Betaless so just try to over look all of my grammar and spelling mistakes. Though if anyone is interested in betaing for it I would be really appreciative. _

Buffy got the call about Faith from Giles at six a.m. She had just gotten back from patrol in the graveyard.

Giles tiredly told Buffy about the accident without any hint of feeling. "Faith's been hurt it seems. It's quite bad this time, Buffy, um, they don't know if she'll live."

The blonde took in a large breath and leaned back against the wall. "Where is she?"

"At the Sunnydale Hospital. I'm not sure exactly what attacked her, but Angel called and the information he gave me about it was quite intriguing." Buffy could almost hear him cleaning his glasses over the phone…scary.

"Ok, I'll go in later to see. Maybe I should take a weapon with me incase she tries to attack me though." Buffy said bitterly.

"Well, I don't think that will be happening. Whatever it was took her slayer powers. And also, she's been in a coma since it happened three days ago."

She didn't go in right away. From what little Giles told her it was pretty bad and she knew that there were a few things that she would need to do. Faith was a messed up girl, but they had still been friends once and, strangely, she felt as if Faith was her responsibility. No one else could handle Faith except for her and, even though Buffy was sure she would never admit it, Faith needed someone to help her. Finally later on that day she walked into Faith's hospital room.

And there she was. The tough and almost invincible Faith. Almost. She had spent enough time around her to pick up a thing or two, including the ability to be sneaky enough to swipe her medical chart to read. Three broken ribs, a moderate concussion, fractured left arm in four places, crushed ankle, internal damage from the rape, thirty one stitches going across her neck from where she had been cut. She walked in slightly closer. Could she really be that small and breakable? She had always known Faith was petite and all, but her presence took up so much space she seemed much larger than her body.

She stood beside her and looked down, grimacing at the painful looking damage all over the girl's body. She had almost died. Almost. As in way too close for there to be any excuse for. He had tried to kill her after torturing her it looked like. She had been in a coma for three days now. Buffy could only pray that she would wake up soon.

She wasn't sure which thought was worse, what happened to Faith and the fact that she might not wake up at all or the thought of how strong whoever did this to her must be to have been able to do it to someone like Faith. Faith wasn't just tough as nails, she was a slayer. And Buffy couldn't imagine anything having the power to do this to her.

Faith was never too stable of a person, she'd even been crazy evil bitch sometimes but it was obvious that she must have her reasons. Buffy knew her life had been anything but sweet and normal like hers had for the most part. Faith never talked about it but Buffy knew somehow how abused she must have been. Really she just pitied her and wished that Faith could change so they could be friends again like they used to be. She wished that she could fix her but she knew she couldn't, no matter how much she wanted to.

Her face looked different. No make up. She looked so much younger without it, innocent even…although everyone knows that's the last thing anyone could say to describe Faith. Buffy personally thought she looked better without it. She sat down in the uncomfortable chair beside the bed and waited, hoping Faith would wake while she was there.

Instead Buffy woke up three hours later to Faith sleepily staring at her.

"Hey B." Faith rasped out. It was obvious she hadn't had anything to drink in a while. But of course, who would have even been by there except for Buffy herself and possibly Angel shortly after it immediately happened.

Buffy quickly lifted her head up from the side of the bed and sat up straighter. "Hi. How ya feeling?" _Well that was a pretty stupid thing for me to ask._

Faith smirked and let out a deep breath before answering weakly "five by five."

"I'm sure. What did this to you?"

Faith let out her answer and breath at the same time as if she were trying to cover up her discomfort. "Dunno…looked human but I'm not sure it was."

"Why?"

"The fact that he could hold my entire body down with one hand gave me one hint. No amount of fighting back seemed to bother him either. It was like he sucked the strength right outta me."

"Where did he go?"

"Didn't. Angel came and poured something on him. He dissolved."

Buffy was obviously surprised. "Angel saved you?"

Faith laughed. "Ironic right? I get I've tried to kill em a few times."

The blonde shot her a searing look at the old memories Faith brought to mind. She wondered to herself for a moment why she was even there before reminding herself. The reason Faith probably went psycho in the first place was because no one was there. The mayor told her he'd be there. Obviously it was what she really needed more than anything and Buffy wasn't going to let Faith chase her away from helping her this time. No matter what she did or said.

"That doesn't mean he wouldn't help you."

"Yeah, I guess that's a thing with you people." She paused thoughtfully. "Why are you here, B?"

"Maybe because I don't want to get another call like the one I got this morning. Whether I want to or not I care about you so you're just gonna have to put up with me."

The statement seemed to surprise Faith. "I tried to kill your boyfriend. I kidnapped Willow, I about strangled Xander."

"I was there. I know." Buffy stated trying to keep the anger out of her voice as best she could.

"What the hell does it take to make you mad?" Faith's voice rose in obvious frustration.

"Faith I am mad as hell at you. But I'm not giving up on you. That would just let you off the hook too easily."

Faith only stared at her and Buffy left soon after.


	2. Desearved

Four days later.

"Faith, what are you doing?" Buffy asked sounding as if she had come in half expecting the scene but still feeling defeated by it.

Faith was currently sitting propped uncomfortably on the edge of her bed with her side against the wall as if needing it to lean on pulling the iv out of her arm.

Faith glanced up as she finished getting the line out of her arm roughly and then moving on to try to get off the ugly plastic hospital bracelet.

"Getting out of here B. What's it look like?"

Buffy let out a tired breath. "Stand up."

"What?"

"I'm curious. Just…stand up."

"You know, I ain't got time for this B." She finally looked up from what she was doing to meet Buffy's challenging gaze for a second before returning them to the annoying plastic bracelet that was surprisingly hard to remove.

"Faith!" Buffy challenged.

Faith rolled her non made up eyes and clutched the bed, trying extremely hard to stand up without letting on how impossible a task it seemed for her at the moment. She wasn't successful. Another several moments of Faith struggling, she finally got her foot and cast to the ground and managed to almost stand up straight, still clutching the bedside. Just getting that far could only be attributed to sheer will. But she didn't hold that position for more than a couple seconds before the dizziness got so intense that she couldn't even tell which direction Buffy was in anymore and everything went black.

The next thing Faith knew or saw Buffy was staring down at her with an annoying smirk on her face.

"Yeah, you're getting out of here Faith, I'm just so sorry I've held you up." Buffy said sarcastically.

Faith groaned and moved as best she could to get back into a laying position on the bed. Buffy watched with her arms crossed, secretly enjoying her agony just a little too much to admit to. She was still furious at Faith for everything she had done in the past few months.

"I don't need your help." Faith spat out.

"No, you wouldn't would you, because you've got your precious mayor that does so much for you. Oh wait I forgot, he's not here!"

"What do you want?" By this time Faith was miserable.

"I asked the nurse and she said you could be checked out today. Come on Faith, you know you can't leave by yourself."

Faith finally rolled her eyes, defeated.

The small blonde pushed the equally petite brunette girl in her wheelchair through the long halls of the hospital towards the elevator. "Where are we going?"

Buffy continued to push the wheelchair. "I'm taking you home."

Faith seemed surprised and slightly embarrassed in some way…well, as embarrassed as Faith ever actually showed. "I don't-"

Buffy cut her off, knowing what she was going to say. The elevator door opened and they went in and down to the first floor. "To my home. You can't take care of yourself right now Faith. No one could."

Faith only glared at her as if she thought Buffy was crazy for a moment before her defenses seemed to melt slowly and it softened to an almost grateful look.

Joyce drove them home, looking to the back seat in the mirror at Faith frequently with a look of pity in her eyes. The girl was obviously asleep, and she really didn't look like such a bad girl as Buffy made her out to be.

"Buffy, where are her parents?" She asked thoughtfully.

Buffy seemed surprised at the question. "Uh, I think they're dead. No wait, I know her mother is…don't know about her father."

"She never mentioned anything about her parents?" Joyce asked her daughter surprised.

"She doesn't say much about her past." Buffy said, well on her way to getting annoyed. She didn't want Faith to make her mom think she was some poor little angel. "I think her mom was an alcoholic or something."

"How horrible that must have been for her. Poor girl." She adjusted the mirror so she could look back in the mirror again.

It was obvious to Joyce that the comment greatly angered Buffy. "It's not like she's some sweet innocent little girl mom. She's psychotic."

"And why do you think that is, Buffy?" Joyce asked softly while at the same time glaring at her sharply.

Buffy barely let her answer out under her breath. "I don't know."

"Well isn't that a shame."

Faith continued to keep her eyes shut in the back seat, shocked that Joyce was at all curious about her. She wasn't the type to assume people talked at all about her one way or the other. Why should they…unless she'd just hurt them or their friends or something like that. But otherwise, was she really worth bothering? Faith had never thought so.

Joyce pulled into the driveway to meet Giles standing just outside the door.

Joyce got out and walked up to him smiling. "Hello Rupert. How nice of you to stop by."

Giles smiled back and stumbled over his words a bit before cleaning his glasses. "Ah, well, yes. I uh, actually wanted to talk to Buffy about this uh, arrangement she made about Faith. You know about it, I assume?"

"Yes, we just picked her up." She put her hand on his shoulder sweetly. "Would you like to help me? I was just wondering how we were gonna get Faith inside. You know the poor dear can't walk right now."

Buffy watched as her mother sucker punched Giles into carrying Faith's still sleeping figure into the house and upstairs into the spare room, probably without even realizing it. She had always thought of Giles and her mother together as gross. But the power her mother seemed to hold over him was hilarious to watch.

She followed him up and watched as he laid Faith down on the bed and Joyce fixed the covers over her. Giles seemed really uncomfortable and shot out of the room as soon he had the opportunity.

He went downstairs with Buffy.

"I really don't think that this arrangement is-"

"Good?"

Giles nodded as he cleaned his glasses (even though they were already spotless).

"Neither do I. But I feel like I have to Giles. Besides, maybe if we get her away from the mayor long enough to talk some sense into her…"

Giles sat back farther into his seat. "I see."

Faith finally opened her eyes sleepily and stared at the ceiling. She wasn't sure how she'd gotten here from the car, but somebody had taken the time to put a pillow below her crushed ankle that was in a cast and throbbing horribly and covered her up. It felt strange to her to think that someone did that, Joyce probably. B had no idea how lucky she was, Faith would have killed to have a mother like her, literally. She could hear Xander and Buffy arguing downstairs, though she couldn't understand what they were saying, and Buffy soon came up into the room with him following.

"What's up?" Faith asked as she turned to her side to face them as they walked in, even though doing so hurt like a mother. Hell, it even hurt for her to breathe at the moment but three broken ribs u'll do that to a person, especially one who currently held no slayer healing powers.

She had been hurt bad during that attack and having to go through the healing process like a normal person was miserable. Especially for Faith. She'd never relied on anyone to take care of her in since she was about five, and right now she needed help to just sit up if she didn't want the tiring process to take half an hour.

Xander stared at her once they were in with that certain unsurprised look he carried in his eyes so often even though it was always easy for Faith to surprise him.

"Faith." He tipped his head forward to acknowledge her presence. "So which one of us are you planning on killing today? Mrs. Summers or Giles because so far they're the only ones left you haven't tried to kill lately." He said in a light and sarcastic yet somehow harsh tone.

She didn't answer that.

Buffy walked in further and sat down on the bottom of Faith's bed as there were no chairs in the room, eyeing Xander disapprovingly though she agreed with him on some level.

"I'm gonna go Buffy. Are you sure she can't hurt anyone?"

Buffy leaned up to about where Faith's ribs were and gave a firm pat. Immediately Faith's face contorted with pain and she clenched her teeth together in an effort not to cry out. Buffy then pulled the blanket down off her so that she was no longer covered up at all except the shorts and tank top Buffy had brought to the hospital and helped her change into earlier. Xander stared her body up and down silently appraising the damage himself and nodding silently, suddenly sorry for his comments.

Buffy waited a minute until she was sure he was done and then covered the girl back up quickly.

"Ok, so no killing for Faith for a while then."

Faith was busy shooting daggers at them with her eyes, enraged at being put on display in such a way and not wanting to be messed with. Of course, there wasn't one thing she could do to either of them about it though and she figured she probably deserved the pat on the ribs from Buffy, so she finally just settled on letting it go…for now.

Xander said his goodbyes and walked out, leaving Buffy sitting alone with Faith. "I have your pain medication if you want it." She took the bottle out of her jacket pocket and shook it front of her.

"Nah. It's not that bad." She lied.

Buffy looked at her strangely. "Didn't think you'd be the type to turn down drugs."

"Boyfriend of mine got hooked on 'em once, back in Boston. I'll live without 'em." While it was a true statement and she wouldn't have gone near them, part of her felt like she deserved the excruciating pain anyway. She'd get better eventually and it would only get less and less intense from here on out.

"Ok." Buffy said uncomfortably. She didn't know what else to do or say so she left, leaving the door wide open behind her so she could hear if Faith yelled.


	3. so what?

_He shoved my face down into the muddy dirt that had long ago mixed with the blood running down my body. I feel his foot at the base of my neck and I knew exactly what he was going to do because it was the same thing he had done so many times before. I feel the pressure and half consciously wait for either my neck to break under the pressure or to suffocate for my face being underneath an inch of dirt. Things go black. _

_I wake up naked and in the bathtub surrounded by reddish brown water so dirty I couldn't see through it. He is standing there watching me. I sink down farther into the water so he couldn't see my breasts. He put me here. I feel sore and stretched. His eyes pierce through me and I glare right back at him, never willing to admit defeat. That's what always got me into so much trouble with him. But I didn't care I wasn't like my mother. I wouldn't be his dog. I was naked in the bathtub and he was staring at me. And when my mother would stumble in later drunk she would believe what ever he told her. _

_I wanted him to leave so I could drain out the nasty water and take a proper shower but I knew he wouldn't leave, wouldn't give me my privacy. He wanted more. He wanted me to squirm and scream and cry but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. I would fight back the whole time and one of us would end up hurt as usual…probably me. And mom would beat the hell out of me when she got home for "upsetting" her precious boyfriend. He smirks and bends down over me way to closely and pulls out the drain stomp. _

Faith woke up for the millionth time since she had tried to get some shut eye panting for air and reached for the remote, giving up on trying to sleep.

Joyce pulled out a large casserole dish from the refrigerator as Buffy came down the stairs from her room. "Buffy? Do you know what Faith likes to eat? I made some casserole but I don't know if it's what she wants."

"That'll be fine mom." Buffy said not caring in the least whether Faith would actually like it or not.

"Oh, good. I'll just fix a plate for her then." Joyce began busying herself and it annoyed Buffy to no end. Finally, she put down the plate on the counter in front of Buffy and turned as if she wanted to say something but was holing back.

"What?" By this time she was annoyed again. She had been the one who decided to bring Faith here in the first place but she still hated her and didn't want her mother running around to make her comfortable.

"Well, I was just wondering" She leaned over the counter bracing her chin with his elbows. "What if Faith stayed here with us…permanently. She could go back and finish high school. Maybe a stable home is all she needs."

"Ar-are you kidding me? You can't adopt Faith! She isn't just some poor little puppy mom, she's a psychopathic killer!"

"Buffy. That girl hasn't done anything in front of me. Now, who knows what's happened to her to make her the way you say she is. Maybe if the two of you switched places she'd be just as good as you and you'd be just as misguided as her."

"We are not keeping her."

Joyce shoved Faith's plate over to Buffy. "Just go give the girl her dinner."

Buffy huffed out a breath heavily as she took the plate and practically stomped up the stairs. She went into Faith's room and noticed her watching tv. Joyce had hooked up the one from her room in there so Faith would have something better to stare at than the wall. At the moment Faith was flipping through the channels with a bored look on her face.

"What's up B?" She asked without turning to look at her.

Buffy handed her the plate and sat down. "Whatcha watching?"

"Hum, I don't know. I ain't used to this many channels. Can't make up my mind."

"How many did you have at your apartment?"

"Three. But one of 'em sounded fuzzy and went in and out. You know you got sixty here?"

"Yeah…" Faith was still working her way to sit up and Buffy made no move to help her. Although she was sure if she had tried it only would have offended Faith anyway. But she noticed blood on one of the sheets when she moved at reached forward to see where on Faith it was coming from. _Her back, it was coming from some bandaged over spot on her back_. She went to the bathroom and retrieved another big replacement bandage and some antiseptic.

"I'm sorry that happened to you Faith." Buffy said genuinly.

Faith seemed somewhat surprised by the random statement. "Doesn't matter." The girl rasped out in her unusually low voice.

"No one deserves that Faith. Not even you. Don't tell me that it's not going to bother you." She was referring to the rape of course and both of them knew it.

Faith stayed silent for along time and then shrugged. "It's not like it was the first time."

The blonde's head snapped up in surprise. "What?"

_I guess it doesn't matter if she knows or not. It doesn't make any difference in anything anyways. _"It's happened before… before I got my slayer powers…my mom's boyfriend, and some of his buddies."

Buffy stared at her for a long moment not knowing what to say to something like that. She couldn't even imagine what Faith must have gone through. "How old were you?"

Faith rolled from her back at Buffy motioning for her to let her change a bandage there and stared at the wall. "Ten the first time." She stated it as a fact, whatever emotions she had on it removed from her voice.

Buffy wasn't sure what to do with this kind of Faith. But she was beginning to understand her a lot better.

"I lit out of there when I turned fourteen. Been on my own since."

"Then you were called?" Buffy took off the old blood soaked bandage and tried to clean up the blood that was oozing out of the stitched up cut and not look disgusted.  
Faith nodded, confirmining the statement. "Then I was called. My watcher was a real sweet lady. English but…" Faith let out her breath. "She taught me a lot. First person to care, you know? Then she was killed…it was my fault. I came here. You know the rest." Her tone was normal, and Buffy couldn't help but think that was a little weird considering what she was saying. Faith was a little too good at hiding her emotions for it to not be somewhat confusing.

"Yeah." Buffy finished changing the bandage over Faith's back where the cuts were. She felt very uncomfortable and the room seemed way too small. "You should eat. My mom made casserole."

Faith took the plate once again and began eating, or rather devouring, the food on it. Buffy was going to leave but something stopped her and caused her to instead remain sitting there staring like she had never seen the girl in front of her before in her life. It didn't escape Faith's attention.

But she continued to wolf down the food anyways, being stared at by the blonde or not.

"Why'd you do it, Faith?" She wasn't sure why she asked, it just slipped out of her lips before she knew it. Buffy knew there wasn't any answer that she would like anyways.

Faith finally decided it was time to put her fork down and acknowledge the situation. "What do you what me to say B? That I'm sorry went to work for the mayor and tried to kill your friends? I do what helps me survive. I'm not apologizing for that."

_Ok, here is Faith that I know. I can handle this Faith. I can hate this Faith._

"You don't care what happens to anyone else but yourself."

"Look, I learned a long time ago you gotta watch your own back. You keep too busy watching everyone else's you'll get stabbed."

"Not if the people who your watching watch yours right back."

Faith let out a sour laugh. "Those are the people that usually stab you first."

The door bell rang and both of them heard Buffy's mom answering it and Giles coming in jumbling out something about needing Buffy. She took the excuse to leave Faith and met him to listen to whatever the current crises was downstairs.


	4. nightmare

Warning: off and on this story gets more borderline rated, including this chapter, I'll post a warning if it actually gets into M territory. But this chapter does contain violence and implied rape.

Joyce walked into Faith's room silently as Faith rested wide awake silently. Something about Joyce looked kind of off, but Faith didn't take much notice. She handed Joyce the empty plate that had once held her dinner and thanked Joyce for the meal. Joyce walked closer over the side of Faith's bed and smiled widely.

"Buffy, this- this is a serious problem."

"Hi Giles!" She led him into the living room ignoring his lack of greeting. He was fidgeting with his glasses even more than normal it seemed.

"Buffy, please listen, this is serious." He sat down on the couch rigidly. "Faith no longer has her powers. She could be killed easily. And if she dies in this condition without her powers it is possible that the line may not carry on. We may have a-a brobdingnagian problem on our hands."

"Brorbie-gin-gan what? Is that the demon whose doing this?"

"No, no listen, I think that some major demons have a conspiracy to take Faith's powers away and then kill her so that the slayer line does not continue. Do you understand? If Faith dies now for any reason you may be the last slayer on earth to fight the battle."

"But Faith didn't die, she's gonna be fine."

"Are you sure? Do you know that for a fact? Because from what I've seen the girl does not look 'fine'. Any demon would be capable of easily killing her in this condition. And I think that is exactly what they are planning."

"So what do we do? Find the demons? Try to get her powers back? What?"

"Right now I'm not sure who is behind it, but I'm telling you this so you can watch her. Make sure that nothing or no one that you do not know gets into the house or anywhere near her. As much as I hate to say it, protecting Faith is the only way we can be sure that the demons don't have the chance to end the slayer line and take over the earth."

Joyce sat down on the edge of Faith's bed and calmly put a hand over her mouth and nose, pressing down tightly so that she couldn't breath. Faith tried to scream and Joyce cooed softly to her.

"It's alright. It'll all be over soon, just be a good girl and stay still-"

Faith jerked her head sharply enough to be free of Joyce's hand for a split second and screamed "Buffy!" before Joyce tried to suffocate her again.

Buffy heard the shrill loud scream just after Giles had left and took off, running upstairs and into Faith's room to find her mother suffocating her.

"Mom!" The woman who looked like her mom but definitely couldn't be turned around at Buffy with a wide smile gracing her face. She held a finger to her lips "Shh. Almost done." As if knowing she wouldn't be allowed to finish suffocating her, Joyce took out a small packet of something and tore it open, forcing it down Faith's throat. She mumbled something that sounded incoherent to Buffy as if reciting a spell.

Buffy ran over and grabbed Joyce away from Faith within a second, jerking her over across the room and down the stairs where she tied her to a kitchen chair with some duct tape she found in a drawer. As if on queue, Willow came in. Buffy had known that she was coming, but the little redhead had some amazing timing over when exactly to show up.

"Go check on Faith!" She yelled out to her as Willow entered the room to witness the scene. She was confused, but didn't ask any questions as she went up to check on her former kidnapper. Willow walked over to the evil brunette. She was breathing, but definitely unconscious.

Faith's drunken mother backhanded her again as Faith wouldn't back down and she fell hard against the dresser.

"Now you, you mind your momma! Cuz that's what I am and you-" She pointed a swaying finger at Faith. "You ain't worth a pile of shit!"

Faith stood back up, ignoring the throbbing in her head from where it hit the dresser corner, and grabbed her jacket before running out the door.

She hadn't gotten any sleep last night and now her mother wouldn't believe one thing she tried to tell her. Walking still hurt and running was worse but she wanted to get away so badly she didn't care. She ran right down the stairs forgetting whose apartment that would take her past and kept right on running.

She didn't realize until she had practically run straight into him that the man who had done this to her was standing right there waiting. And before she could do or say anything he pulled her right back into the dingy apartment her mother had brought her to for a party the night before. His hands were hot and sweaty and clasped around her tiny wrists much too tight, not that anyone would notice the bruises there later. He was her mother's boyfriend and, as far as either one of them were concerned, anything he did to Faith was just fine.

The apartment inside was a complete disgusting mess…even by her standards. He wasted no time as her half carried, half dragged her over to his couch and threw her down violently, sitting his large overweight body on her legs and tearing off her clothes. Faith fought him with her arms, slapping and pouching at him weakly to no avail. She screamed as he ripped at her shirt with his dirty greasy fingers. But no one heard her, no one cared.

"Faith? Faith."

She heard someone calling to her. Willow. She sounded close by and as she woke up all the way and opened her eyes Faith saw that she was standing next to her only a couple feet away. Just out of reach. She knew that Willow was probably afraid to come any closer.

"Are you ok?" The redhead asked, sounding a bit concerned.

"Yeah. What do you want?"

"Buffy said for me to come and check on you. She's got Mrs. Summers tied up downstairs.

"She tried to smother me."

"Oh, ok….well I'm just gonna go back down stairs now."

Faith stared at her wide eyed.

"So is that really your mom?"

"I don't know…I think she's possessed." Buffy guessed, wishing Giles would hurry up and get there to take care of the situation and get her regular mom back.

"If they can possess her they could anybody. How can we know?"

"Well, if they try to kill Faith, that's a pretty good hint. She ok?" Buffy finally looked up at her best friend as she asked.

"She's really beat up looking."  
"Yeah, but she's alive right?"

"Oh, yeah. Buffy, are you sure she can't-"  
"Will, you saw her, she won't be killing anyone for a while."

"Yeah, but how do you know it's not some trick. You know, she could just look banged up but feel fine and then kill you while you're sleeping." Willow let out getting more and more carried away as she went along.

Buffy lifted an eye brow at her, trying not to laugh at her friend. "Call Giles. Ask him how to un-posses my mother."

Two hours later, after going through a lot of books and trying three spells before they got to the one that worked, Joyce came back to normal, much to Buffy's relief.

"Mom?"

"Oh, Buffy! You should have heard the things that demon wanted to do to Faith! He was going to make all of Faith's nightmares come to life."

"But he didn't, right? I got you away in time?"  
"Not if I put that stuff down her throat…I did, didn't I?"  
Giles and Willow turned to Buffy for an answer as Buffy shook her head yes.

"What do you mean 'bring them to life?"

"Well the demon was thinking that whatever scares her the most will come to kill her, anything she's afraid of will come true."

"That could get pretty bad." Buffy commented.

"Oh come on you guys, it's big bad killer Faith. What's she gonna be afraid of?"

Buffy and Giles looked at each other questionably.

"Giles? Do you think it was a nightmare demon that did this to her in the first place?"

"Could have been, if that was what Faith was afraid of. They can take any form."

"How do we make it stop?"

"We can't. I don't know how Angel did. As far as I know, Faith has to."

Faith squealed, trying her best to wake up from what had to be a dream, but certainly didn't feel like one. Her mother's old boyfriend was scratching at the window, giving her that look he used to before he-


	5. past hauntings

Author's note: This Chapter is **M RATED. **So don't read it unless you're old enough. Usually I wouldn't make this so graphic but I felt it necessary for this particular story. It contains strong violence and just graphic stuff so message me if you want a clean summary of what happened instead of actually reading it.

Buffy came back down the stairs after checking on Faith and twenty minutes after it happened. "She's out."

Giles finally looked up from his book and let out a breath. "Well it seems that I was wrong about that demon. It's not the nightmare demon actually, but it is a close relative."

"What does it do?"

"It will go inside a person's mind and play out all of the moments in a person's life that are most disturbing to them for whatever reason and then, uh, after observing, pick the form it thinks that the victim will be most terrified of and re create it to come and kill her."

Xander cringed. "Jeez, wouldn't want that demon after me."

"Yes, well, I think uh- that the best thing we can do in this situation is to send you three inside her mind to observe as well. That way we'll be able to guess the form in which the demon will pick and know what it is we are dealing with so we can kill it before it kills her. Doing so should also kill the demon."

"Yes, yes. But it's probably already happening so we better hurry up and do the spell to get you all in there. And remember, pay attention."

"Faith?" Buffy asked questionably as she walked toward the four year old little girl with big brown eyes and curly hair that looked a lot like Faith.

The girl didn't answer but she grinned in a very Faith like way as she went up to a door that had dried up milk looking stains running down it, pushing it open to reveal a woman and man on the bed having sex under a thin dirty sheet. The woman turned her head a little so she could see Faith and rolled her brown eyes in annoyance, grabbing a glass from the nightstand and throwing it directly at the little girl. It hit the door just above her shoulder and broke into little pieces. Buffy looked at Willow and Xander who were standing a few feet behind her staring awkwardly. Faith picked up a large piece of the broken glass off the floor and threw it at the door, it sticking to the wood like a dart on a board.

Xander shrugged tried to lighten to mood at Willow's expression. "Ok, that's not so bad, I mean we've all walked in on our parents at one point or another, right?"

Willow and Buffy stared at him strangely shaking their heads 'no'.

"Ok, well maybe it's just me and old Faithie then."

The next thing they knew they were in some disgusting apartment with cockroaches literally crawling at their feet. They heard Faith screaming and it was evident that she was very upset, but she still sounded like a little kid. It was coming from the closet and she was obviously inside of it beating against the door.

The large fat man came into the room and went up to the door in only his dirty white underwear. "You stay in there, you brat! Your mother's busy."

"I want out!" She budged against the door again and this time it came open suddenly, hitting the man in the nose in the process. He covered it with his hand as it started bleeding a little and gave Faith a look to kill as she came crawling out quickly, obviously trying to get to the door. She looked to be about ten. But as she stood up he grabbed her by the hair and whacked her head against the wall pretty hard.

Xander and the others watched as they knew there was nothing they could do while he grabbed both her arms behind her, held her to the wall, and put out his cigar on her neck. It made a sizzling sound like an egg being dropped into a hot frying pan. When she screamed he took a lighter out of his pocket and held it to the same spot he had just burned, letting the flame sear through her already openly burned flesh and burn all the skin off until he could see the fat beneath where the skin used to be and almost even some muscle. The nauseating smell of burning flesh could be recognized from across the room. Faith was still crying.

"Stop crying!" He yelled becoming more and more enraged. The man twisted her arm in an unnatural way while her face was still shoved against the wall and the gang heard a loud crack. By this time Faith's sobbing had become silent. A woman called from another room.

"Faith! You mind Mr. Dale and do what he says." She sounded drunk.

She turned her around to see her face and grabbed her up by her neck, making it obviously hard for her to breathe and she began to turn very red. He glanced down to where her shirt had ripped when he broke her arm and grinned in a way that made Xander want to pummel the man even more, although he was just as aware as Willow and Buffy that there was nothing they could do to interfere.

"Mr. Dale" grabbed Faith up to his side and threw her to the floor, grinning all the while he ripped at her pants and opened the front of his boxers, holding her down as she screamed in a deafening pitch to "get off of me!"

By this time, Willow had turned away and buried her head into Xander's side, not able to watch anymore. Xander put an arm around her as he forced himself to watching, thinking that he had to because it was why they were here even though he desperately wanted to look away as well. It was too hard to watch a ten year old little girl get raped by that horrible fat man.

But still the man continued unmercifully. He violently pulled her legs apart and drove into her probably as hard as he could. She screamed again in another ear splitting tone and Buffy couldn't help crying while she watched. He didn't stop. Not for a long time and there was so much blood when he did. Faith wasn't moving anymore when he got up. The whole time nearly up to the end she had been screaming and squirming and fighting like crazy but by the time he finally stopped she just lay there curled up into a ball. He left the room cursing to her mother about her "damn kid."

Xander walked carefully over beside Faith, trying to get a better look at her face to see if her was conscious still. She was and she had stopped crying, looking just kind of dead in the eyes. The little girl slowly stood up and more blood just seemed to spill out of her, making her began to cry all over again, but she wiped to tears away for her eyes with the back of her hand before any had a chance to run down her cheek. Finally, she just walked, very awkwardly to the door and left.

"You can look now, Will." Xander finally said softly, breaking the silence.

She opened her eyes and immediately saw the large stain of blood on the nasty brown carpet that had probably used to be white years ago.

Faith walked quickly outside, older now, maybe around thirteen or fourteen? She was wearing a black tank top and jeans even though it was a freezing cold night and obviously in the middle of winter as snow flurried through the air. She pulled at a fire escape from above for it to come down and climbed her way up five floors and then peered through the window and, apparently not liking what she saw, sat down quickly on the metal floor.

She pulled a three fourths eaten candy bar out from her pocket and devoured it quickly, obviously quite hungry, and then reached over to a brick and pulled it out, revealing a one dollar bill and some change. Faith pocked it, replaced the brick and climbed back down, seeming pleased. But as she got to the ground floor three men came around the corner from another alleyway.

She took one glance at them before she started running. Faith was a good fighter, but Buffy had noticed before that she wasn't the fastest runner. Her legs where too short. Of course so were Buffy's, but she could still run a little faster than Faith. It wasn't long before they caught up to her and one tackled her to the ground like a football player. The bad part though was that the place that he had tackled her down on her back to had scattered broken glass from a beer bottle all over it. It must have hurt like hell but she didn't react to the pain, instead opting to bite him in the arm, which made him let go for a moment, but he grabbed her ankle as she got up and pulled her back down. Another one of them walked up and put one foot on either side of her head, stepping on her hair while the original probed her pockets, pulling out the little bit of money she had in there.

He laughed as he counted it and it only added up the a dollar and eighty seven cents, but soon his faced turned hard and he began kicked her in the side.

"Where is our money?"

"I don't owe you any money!" Faith yelled in his face.

"Your momma owes us money. That's the same damn thing!"

The third one finally walked up closer and joined in. "Hey, hey now fellas. Just because her mommas no good for anything anymore doesn't mean she ain't. He bent down and got in her face. "Wanna work it off for us, sweet heart?" Faith spat angrily in his face and the man standing on her hair laughed.

"That's what you get with that one, Berggy. Now if you want her get on with it! I ain't gonna stand here all day."

The gang had to watch as the man kneeled down and began unbuckling his belt, this time she didn't scream or cry. She just fought like crazy. One of the men ended up with a black eye and another with scratch marks all over his face. She kneed the man in the face and managed to get one arm out of the second one's grasp long enough to hit the back of the man's knees that was standing on her hair. His knees buckled and he fell to the floor. She didn't hesitate a second trying to scrambling up and almost getting away. For a petite young girl with no special abilities she was a good fighter. One of the men pulled a gun out of his jacket as she rounded the corner leading out of the alley, but didn't bother firing at her.

Xander's mind flashed back to the night Faith had slept with him. "_You think you could do anything I didn't want you to?" _She had defiantly been adamant over making sure he knew she was the one in control, which made a lot more sense now…

When she finally got away from them, it was evident that the glass had penetrated all over the skin on her upper back, her tank top was ripped to pieces back there from all of it and most was still embedded into her skin. Faith walked for a long while as if just trying to shrug off the fact that she had just been jumped. By three scary looking grown men.

She past a grocery store and went in, going strait through to their bathroom and trying to use the mirror in there to help her see to pull the pieces out herself. She pulled out a few of the biggest blood soaked pieces, grimacing and tearing up from the pain, and then splashed a couple of handfuls of cold water from the sink into her face. She studied herself in the mirror and then seemed to grow angry. She was a bit thin and her face looked young and scared. Punching the glass and shattering it, along with cutting up her own fist in the process, she just continued to stare with hate filled eyes.

The next scene that started was back inside an apartment. Faith walked in with a book bag on her back and began going through the rooms oddly. Buffy felt as if she were in some bad horror flick with Faith walking through the apartment by herself that way. The lights were out, but she seemed accustomed to it and had to trouble navigating herself. She cracked the door open to her mother's room and went inside quietly, as if she were afraid of being noticed by anyone that might be inside.

A woman, probably her mother, though she looked more like a strung out prostitute, was laying face down on the bed. Faith went around to the other side and looked at her for a moment, eyes getting bigger by the second and then backed off until her back hit the wall and then she continued staring. A tattooed covered man in his fifties came out of the bathroom looked at Faith.

"What? It ain't my fault." He walked up to her as she continued staring with an absent face. He shrugged as if he felt slightly bad for the girl and tossed her a pocket knife. "Here. This u'll make you feel better." She caught it with one hand, but didn't move to do anything with it and after a moment the man seemed to get frustrated. He knelt down beside her and pulled at her wrist, taking the knife and moving to cut her.

She didn't respond at first. She was probably actually in shock, but as soon as the knife's sharp edge glided down the skin of her wrist, making a deep cut, she finally reacted. "Shit!" She pushed him away forcefully in a way that made it clear she had her slayer strength and grabbed the knife only to throw it back to him and have it sink into his thigh. She went into the bathroom to wrap a cloth around her now heavily bleeding wrist and then left, still clutching the cloth tightly to her wrist as she went.

She was younger again, twelve or thirteen maybe, and ran down the stairs inside the run down apartment complex. Mr. Dale was at the bottom of them sitting with a beer in his hand. The young girl almost ran into him before he noticed he was there and he caught her, yanking her inside his filthy apartment with a smirk an Faith beginning to scream hoarsely….


	6. What hurts the most

Author's note: This is another **M **chapter and contains violence and death, but I think it's going to be the last one...

The gang continued to witness as Faith's memories replayed themselves. It was becoming more and more apparent to everyone exactly how little of a choice Faith had in her life until Sunnydale. Faith in general had never really talked about her past. Buffy and the others knew about Kakistos, not that Faith had been the one to bring it up, and Buffy had picked up on the fact that Faith's mother had probably been a drunk. But it was clear now why she had never mentioned anything else. And the memories just kept on flowing, seemingly endlessly, and breaking the hearts of Buffy and the others watching.

It was raining outside. Hard. Faith sat on the fire escape, obviously not wanting to go inside because Dale could be seen through the window exchanging small packets with her strung out mother for money. Once again Faith was jacketless and in a tight cotton tank top even though she was sitting outside in the middle of the night with it raining during a Boston winter. She hugged her legs close to her chest and laid her head on her knees. Her head snapped up when the sound of someone coming up the fire escape became apparent. She stood up quickly and braced herself to fight but instantly relaxed when she saw the teenage boy come up and stand beside her. She let a small grin grace her face and sat back down. He grinned, shook his head at her, and took off his thick jacket, tossing it over her shoulders and put and arm around her.

It was a strange sight for Buffy, Xander, and Willow to watch considering how Faith normally acted towards men, and it only got stranger. She laid her head on his shoulder as he placed a kiss in her curly long brown hair.

"How many times do I have to come up here to find you freezing before you move in with me?" His tone was serious yet sweet and it was evident that whoever he was he really cared about her. She looked at him and gave her signature grin, placing a tender kiss on his lips that seemed far too sweet and innocent for Faith.

He took out what looked like a bag of cocaine from the pocket of his jacket she was wearing and sniffed some, she did the same. It seemed as if it were a normal thing for the two of them. He finally stood up and extended his arm to pull her up as well. She let him and then followed him down the icy fire escape ladder.

They walked a few blocks over the dark streets closely and then up the stairs into a small one room apartment. Shabby, but relatively well kept. She sat down on the pull down bed and he went to get her a towel to dry her hair, before opening the small refrigerator and pulling out a box of left over pizza, fixing her a plate. She devoured the food quickly and drank most of the soda he poured for her in one gulp. He watched her and smiled, handing her another slice. Willow walked over behind him and saw that it was the last he had. Faith couldn't tell that from where she sat though. He smoked a cigarette while he waited for her to finish.

After she ate they sat and talked casually. From their conversation the gang got that his name was Tim, he was eighteen, and this was his own apartment. Faith shivered a bit involuntarily in her wet clothes and he jumped up to go get her a dry tee shirt to change into since her clothes where wet. The scene was a bit too familiar to Buffy and she shifted around uncomfortably. He didn't turn around to give her any privacy but she stripped down to her underwear and then tossed on the tee shirt as if she couldn't care less whether or not he was watching in typical Faith fashion. But they didn't do anything like pretty much everyone had expected. He just tucked her into bed and laid down beside her, holding her loosely as he lay on his stomach.

He kissed the back of her head and she cuddled up to him, whispering "I'm sorry, Tim."

He rubbed her arm and pulled the covers up to their shoulders. "Nah, it's alright." And they went to sleep.

The gang was left in the dark staring at each other.

Xander couldn't hold back his shock any longer. "Soo….uh…"

"Weird?" Buffy ventured.

"Yeah…not too Faith like."

"You've got that right." Willow added. "They acted like…and she wasn't always a whore!" Her tone was astonished but at the same time sounded as if she thought it was the sweetest thing she'd ever seen in a way that only Willow could.

The scene changed again. This time Faith didn't look much younger than she did in the present and looked like she was training. Her hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail and her clothes looked less ragged. A woman with an expression as tight as her hair pulled back into a bun circled around her, watching for any mistakes Faith would make and then hastily correcting her.

"Good job." She said finally as she motioned for Faith to take a break. "You have got the fire, you just need the technique." Faith sat down beside her.

"Now." Her watcher said, in a very British voice. "I have a surprise for you." She pulled out a shopping bag and handed it to Faith. "This is for all your hard work you've been putting in lately."

Faith pulled a pair of brand new black leather boots out of the bag and grinned. "Jeez, ya did have tuh-"

"I wanted to. You have been working hard and I saw you looking at them in the store we went past the other day." Her face remained tight but it was obvious that the woman felt affection for the girl.

Faith stared at her "Thank-"

Before she could finish a huge vampire that Buffy recognized as Kakistos grabbed the old woman from behind so hard it was easy to tell he cracked most, if not all, of her ribs. Faith tried to stake him, but he used the woman as a shield so that she couldn't attack him.

"Hear you're the new slayer." Kakistos drug the woman inside into a garage as another vampire began to fight with Faith, then the two vampires switched places. And for the first time ever, Faith lost. He tried her up with a thick chain and hung the back of the chain on a hook hanging from the ceiling so that Faith couldn't get away.

"You know, I've killed a lot of slayers. I'm bored of it really. They're always so noble when they die. This time I think I'd rather kill your watcher instead. Not so noble for you to die after you watch what I'm gonna do to her and not do one thing to stop it." He selected a power tool, a drill and lowered it down to one of the woman's eyes.

Faith started screaming. It went on and on forever and the old woman was helpless.

Buffy watched Faith's face contort, her expression was worse than any of the other memories they had witnessed so far. It was horrible. The other vampire held her head straight so that she was made to watch the whole thing. It was over an hour before the torture stopped and the woman finally died, but by that time she was completely and unrecognizably mutilated.

Kakistos walked over calmly and took Faith of the hook on the ceiling, lowering her to the ground. She kicked him where it must have hurt a few times, but she didn't get away. The vamp took the blow torch that he had used one her watcher only a few moments ago and broke the chains apart with it, also burning her a little in the process.

That was his mistake. The second he did so she fought with a ferocity Buffy had never seen before and managed to knock him down. She tried to stake him, but he caught her wrist and it was a long hard fight on both sides before she finally reached a knife laying on the floor and sliced his face. The second he let go of her after she cut him she ran like hell, which honestly Buffy couldn't blame her for.

Next they were back in Faith's mother's nasty apartment. Faith seemed to be stirring something in boiling pan…spaghetti maybe. Her hair was pulled up an a ponytail and her makeup, while there, was more scarce. After a moment, her mother stumbled in with the help of some man whole practically threw her inside the door and then left quickly. Faith turned around for a moment to watch her as she sat slumping over in the only chair next to the table that only had three legs and was propped up by a few cardboard boxes before returning her attention back to what she was cooking.

"Whatter you doing with my food?" The woman slurred out accusingly. She was some you could tell had been very pretty at one point, but her arms were dotted like a dalmatian with scares from needles, her eyes wore heavy dark bags underneath them and her hair was a mess and didn't look as if she'd washed it in some time, giving her a worn out and used up sort of look that many long time druggies had.

"I'm just making us some dinner momma. Go lay down."

The woman lifted her head to stare at Faith through bloodshot eyes. "You get your own food. You're not eating mine."

"But I bought it."

This seemed to enrage the woman, she pointed a shaky finger at her daughter for a moment and then stood up. "You didn't buy shit! This is my food and you're mine! I made you!" Her voice rose louder and louder until she was yelling as she stumbled forward close to Faith. "You listen to me!" And with that she knocked the boiling hot pan over with her arm, burning herself in the process and spilling the water all over Faith's waist, legs, and feet. It soaked through her clothes and burned her skin. Faith just stood there looking at the pan, spaghetti, and water all over the floor as her mother grabbed her burned arm and started screaming hysterically.

"You little shit! You burned me! You burned your own mother you bitch!" Her mother pushed Faith to the floor, causing her to land directly unto the puddle of still very hot water.

Faith jumped up in pain and, seemingly out of instinct, pushed her mother back hard and ran out of the room. "You're the bitch!" She yelled back at her mother as she left.

Faith was walking up the apartment stair's leading to Tim's apartment. She knocked and waited for a moment and then took a key out of her pocket and unlocked the door, letting herself in and searching around for Tim. She seemed worried but remained calm for the first few moments, yet growing more and more frantic as her search for him came up empty. She scurried around the apartment, finally making her way to the bathroom where he lay on the floor, an open pill bottle beside him. Faith knelt down beside him, and seeing the bottle was empty, threw it out of the room.

"Tim?" Her tone sounded as if she were terrified. She touched his arm nervously and seemed to grow a lot more upset.

"Tim? Tim!" She was screaming the name now, clutching his shirt and shaking him as if he were deeply asleep.

"Tim! Nonononono. Tim!" Her pitch was deafening, like the first memory they had seen her in when she was ten. She kept clutching him and tears began spilling out of her eyes as she continued to scream and shake him endlessly. Finally, seemingly hours later she just collapsed over his body, crying into his shirt and hugging him as she sobbed.

And suddenly it all stopped. Buffy and the others looked wordlessly around them as they found themselves all sitting on the floor in Faith's room.


	7. Something's wrong

_I know, I know, it took me forever to post this but my life has just been ridiculously crazy lately so there's my excuse. Thanks to whoever is still reading and please remember to give feedback, good or constructive!_

Giles walked back into the room, flipping endlessly through his books and sat on the edge of the bottom of the bed continuing without even noticing them. Finally, something told him to look up from his book. All the of the kids were sitting on the floor, now awake, but just staring at each other like they were confused at something.

"The spell worked, I assume?" Giles asked, tripping over his own accent somehow and jumbling out the works.

"Oh yeah…it worked." Xander finally stood up and extended an arm for Willow as Buffy hoped up herself and stared at Faith's still unconscious body.

"What is it?" Giles asked. He waited for an answer that never came for several moments. "What? Was something disturbing?"

Xander looked at him incredulously. "Disturbing? I'm going to need therapy for the rest of my life for just watching that!" He pulled Willow up and Buffy walked around to be beside Faith.

"I think we were wrong about her." Buffy said in a tone that seemed somehow ashamed.

"Well, we'll discuss whatever went on later. What will the demon look like?"

"I think it might be a man, a big, fat man." Buffy suggested, quite sure of her answer. Faith began turning her head a bit and blinked her eyes open.

"Is there a party going on in here that I didn't know about?"

The room turned deadly silent.

"We think a demon is trying to kill you." Buffy finally offered weakly.

"Oh, yeah, that might explain about psycho Ms. Summers trying to strangle me. And here I always had your mom pegged as normal."

"Sorry about that," Buffy let out, feeling somehow as though she needed to apologize, though not for the reason Faith thought she was. "She was possessed."

"Well, I have good news."

"Yeah, Giles?"

"I've found a spell in here that might get your slayer powers back."

Faith's eyes lit up at the words, but she didn't physically move any.

"And if I use this to get them back, I can also use it to take it away if I want to, Faith. I'll give them back now so you can be healing a little until the demon shows up, and to help when he does, but after that I'm taking them away again for your conduct." His tone was sharp and accusing.

"Now hold still." He preformed the surprisingly short and simple spell and Faith didn't change positions or move.

"Everything still hurts like a mother. How do I know if it's back?"

Buffy leaned forward, as if to tap her on the ribs again and Faith's non cast covered hand quickly stopped her. It still hurt to move at all, but now she found she could if she needed to.

"Well, if your bones start to get better in a few days we'll know for sure, but I think you're good." Buffy said with a grin.

"Alright. How do you know I won't just leave then?"

"If you do, I remove the spell." Giles warned.

"Don't worry, I have a feeling that Faith u'll be good here with us." She leaned forward closer to Faith. "You can stay here as long as you want.,, my mom wants you to stay."

Faith stared at her suspiciously, the wheels turning in her head at the sudden change in Buffy's attitude toward her and the way Xander and Willow stared from across the room as if they were looking at a dead kid or something. Xander's eyes were crinkled, which meant he was worried about something. He didn't know that Faith did, in fact, pay attention to him and knew him better than he thought she did. But she didn't want him to know.

Xander was a nice guy. She didn't do nice guys…or atleast no more so than physically, they only led to being hurt later. Nope, it was much better to just get some when your in the mood and then get out and leave it at that. No feeling, and defiantly no relationships. She was too messed up to really be capable of having one anyways.

Two weeks went by without any demon showing up and Faith had healed almost completely. All of her casts were off, cuts closed, and bruises had faded away. Now she did have to lay in bed all day, she could move around the house, though she still hadn't gone anywhere else yet. Overall, she behaved. Buffy attributed it to her mother, because Faith seemed as eager as a puppy to please her for some reason.

And Joyce was always very sweet to Faith, always extra careful to not upset the girl, yet be stern at the same time as Faith had never been used to any rules. It had annoyed Buffy to no end at first, but now she could understand the reasoning for it a bit more and did not mind it really so much. Joyce had even gotten Faith to stop swearing in the house. Now she had begun working on trying to convince Faith to go to summer school so she could enroll as a senior next year and graduate. So far Faith hadn't agreed, but at that point Buffy really wouldn't be shocked if Joyce ended up talking her into it. Although she couldn't blame Faith anymore for not wanting to go, Buffy could remember memories of students being mean to her and teachers being horrible. She hoped her mother succeeded. Whether or not Faith did go back to school it was becoming very clear that she would stay with them for a good while and Faith all but minded.

Then one day, the mayor showed up and everything went to hell. Within ten minutes he had convinced her to go with him, Giles and her powers be damned. He told her he could get them back for her too if Giles could. And she left, without Buffy or Joyce knowing much to do to stop it.

"I'm calling social services." Her mother finally said determinedly. "She's a minor! He doesn't have custody of her!"

"Neither do you mom."

"Well, maybe I can get it."

"I don't think-"

"Buffy! We can't just let the girl go, she needs a mother, not some, some-" Joyce's voice shook with her anger until finally she just stopped talking.

Buffy simply got up and walked out the door, not able to take watching her mother so upset anymore and knowing in the back of her head that she was right. She had to go after Faith. But when she finally arrived at the apartment the mayor was keeping Faith in, she knew she was too late. Something was wrong. She knocked on the door and heard a raspy Faith-like shriek coming from inside. It was locked so she kicked the door down and what she found inside scared the hell out of her.


	8. damaged goods

_Yeah... not sure what to rate this chapter, I guess I'll go ahead and say R just in case for violence...? Enjoy and remember, the more reviews I get the more inclinded I am to update quicker!_

Buffy kicked down the door with two kicks and prepared herself mentally for what she might find inside. Instead of finding Faith with the mayor or the demon in the form of Kakistos, her mother, or Dale as she had guessed, but Faith's sweet old boyfriend, Tim….pinning Faith against the wall strangling her. And Faith wasn't doing anything about it except crying and begging him to stop.

She couldn't fight back…not while he looked like Tim. In her position Buffy wasn't sure whether she could have or not, at least at first. He turned around to see Buffy run in and grab him off from Faith, tossing him violently across the room. She had him on the floor with her foot over his neck in a second. She pushed down with her foot and heard Faith yell her name.

"Buffy, don't!" She hesitated for one second and the demon took the opportunity to grab Buffy's ankle. Suddenly Buffy didn't feel like she was the one in control anymore. She began to feel weak and when she tried to hit him in the face, the demon who looked like Tim easily just tossed her over to the side on the floor, knocking her out cold.

When she woke up, she wasn't sure where she was, but it was probably somewhere still Faith's loft apartment. Maybe in a different room? She wasn't sure. She could feel someone sitting in front of her and opened her eyes to notice that in was Faith and that she was between her and the wall. Her head was pounding and she had no idea what was going on.

Faith's arm was reached out in front of Buffy's head, as if blocking her from something…or something from her. Dale was there, walking closer, eyeing Faith in a sickening and all too familiar way. Faith kept pushing Buffy back further behind her as he came closer. She was trembling and obviously completely terrified, though she wasn't making a sound. He came closer and leaned into Faith's ear, the heavily mixture off alcohol and morning breath reaching all the way over to Buffy's nose as he spoke.

"Two little bitches, but I'll take the blonde first." His voice was the same as Buffy had recalled from Faith's memories and just the sound nearly made her want to vomit.

The man started to reach over Faith to get to Buffy and picked her up by the back of her shirt as if she weighed nothing. The weight of her body on the shirt as she was lifted over Faith was enough to cause it to rip and as soon as she heard the sound, both of them knew what was coming.

Faith, instinctively jumped up and hit him in the face, but it didn't do a thing. It was as if he hadn't even felt it and Faith wasn't sure if she had lost her powers again of not. Either way, they were in trouble. Buffy didn't have hers at the moment, and Faith's didn't seen to have the ability to help the situation at all at the moment. She had to figure out what to do.

He threw Buffy over on the floor and Faith lunged at him with as much force as she could muster, praying that it would at least get him away from Buffy for a minute and aim his anger at her instead. The hit didn't seem to bother him, but he did turn around and smile at Faith, catching her wrist and twisting it backwards as he had done before when Faith was younger until everyone heard it pop out of place a break all over again. Even so, his grip didn't loosen.

"You'd like me to let her go and just kill you, wouldn't you?" Faith's stared as if she wanted to pour gasoline all over him and set him on fire. Her eyes burned, if nothing else. "I'll get to you. But first I'm gonna give you a little show to watch…maybe you remember it? A game we used to play?"

Buffy struggled harder to get out of his grasp as she remembered how the real Dale used to call doing what he did to Faith their "little game". He was going to make Faith watch him rape her. _Oh My God! Somebody help me! This can't happen to me! He can't! _

She watched with glazed over eyes as he grabbed Faith by the hair, yanked her down closer to him and pulled a lighter from his pocket, flicking it open to reveal a flame. As he kept Buffy pinned beneath him with his overweight legs, he used his arms to twist Faith's head around with her hair out of the way. In doing so Buffy noticed a large ugly burn scare there that she had never noticed before. Faith always kept her hair down. Of course, she would have to have a scar there from what happened to her earlier that Buffy had watched with her own eyes. The demon held the lighter up the same spot and watched as her scarred skin burned horrifically all over again.

Faith squealed and twisted at the intense pain and finally managed to knock the lighter away from him somehow. But in doing so he got a better grasp over her and threw her down hard enough to knock her out cold. The demon shook his head as if annoyed and then slapped her hard to wake her. Faith's eyes opened just a little and she didn't move. But it seemed to satisfy the demon enough because he went back to Buffy and once again pinned her down against the ground.

Faith could hardly even feel her body, other than the back of her neck, which hurt to an almost indescribably extent. If it just hadn't been in the same place it wouldn't have hurt half so bad but as it was the pain was horrible. She watched in terror as the monster pinned Buffy to the floor.

_"You are so screwed up Faith! You're never gonna make nothing of yourself. All you are is worthless damaged goods. I'm sick of wasting my time on you! Why don't you just get outta my classroom!"_

_No, _Faith thought to herself and mumbled incoherently, _no, not again. _Her voice rose to audible and then to a scream. "Not again you bastard! Maybe you ruined me, but you sure as hell ain't touching Buffy!"

_He always kept a pocket knife in his back pocket. Maybe…_

Faith ran up behind him and before the demon could even react she pulled out the knife that was indeed in his pocket and jabbed his with it in the back of his neck. Blood spurted out and he turned around. Except when he turned around all the way he wasn't Dale anymore, but Faith's mother. Faith raised the knife to strike again and the demon threw it's arms up to block the blow like a frightened woman would.

"I'm your mother! You don't hurt your own mother!" But the act wasn't working anymore as it had initially with Tim and Faith struck again and then again and again until finally, Buffy stood up and put a hand on Faith's shoulder as a signal to stop. She have stabbed the demon who still looked like her mother probably twenty times at this point and was now crying inconsolably while continuing to do so, as if she couldn't stop.

Buffy took the knife away from her and hugged her as Faith melted to the ground and continued to cry. She was still trying awkwardly to comfort Faith when the demon morphed into Kakistos's shape and rose from the ground, towering over them both wearing a fierce look.

Buffy and Faith tried to stand up when they heard a splash coming from behind the demon and it screamed out in pain as it melted, revealing Xander standing behind him holding a large empty bucket and grinning. The puddle on the ground smelt acidic.

Both girls only stared at him in amazement.

"Angel lent me the recipe." Xander simply stated, obviously pleased with getting to be the hero. But his confident grin melted away when he noticed that Faith continued to cry.


	9. Silence

_The last chap was short again, so I figured I'd update quicker this time to avoid annoyance from the readers. Oh, and this chapter's rating is back down to T again._

Faith stared at Xander for a moment and then resumed crying. Buffy wasn't exactly sure what to do, so she just patted her on the back a little and stayed sitting down with her. She couldn't even imagine what Faith must be going through. She needed some heavy therapy or something- not that Faith would ever agree to see a shrink, Buffy was sure of that.

Xander walked closer and looked down at the girl, feeling strangely that he had been too late somehow. Neither of them had ever seen Faith cry before except when they were in her mind and there was nothing they could do about it. But this time she was right there, physically in front of them, crying her eyes out as if she would never stop again and both still felt just as helpless as they had before.

Finally, she tired herself out so much from it all that her hysterical cries melted into muted sobs and Xander scooped her up from the floor, deciding that it would be best to go and put her somewhere she feels safe. The car ride back to Buffy's was completely silent. Xander drove with Faith in the front seat and Buffy watching her from the back. Neither of them knew what to say. Neither of them knew what to do. Faith's tears just kept escaping from vacant eyes unendingly while she stared completely silent out the window in front of her.

They got back to Buffy's house and Xander parked in the driveway, pausing for a moment as if to say something to Faith. She turned to see him, but as his month opened he found he had lost his nerve and forgotten what he was going to say. But she still continued staring at him, the tension building every second until Xander finally unbuckled Faith's seatbelt and walked over to her side of the car to open the door. She swung her legs out but then just sat there with her head down a second. Getting how physically and emotionally exhausted she must have been, he scooped her up once again and carried her inside the house with Faith's head buried into his shoulder.

Joyce was sitting in the kitchen at the table on the phone, no doubt talking to social services about Faith. She hung up on whoever it was though, when she saw the three come in and quickly went over to check on them. Her eyes scanned over her daughter as they always did when she came back from slaying or demon fighting, or anything that was, in her book, considered dangerous, checking for any injury. When she found only a big bruise on her daughter's head, she next went to Faith, who was still in Xander's arms.

Joyce brushed back some of the hair from her face like she might have done to a small child and looked worriedly into her tear stained face. It was obvious that the girl was once again hurt and something very, very bad had happened to her, though she had no idea what. Buffy had never told her about going into Faith's mind and seeing all her gruesome past. She didn't think she could tell her mother something like that, and even if she could, she was sure her mother couldn't handle it. Buffy wasn't even sure she could handle it herself.

Xander put Faith upstairs in her bed and Joyce got Faith some water with a powder sedative mixed in. Buffy just watched in udder guilt for not protecting the younger girl as she should have. It was her fault this had happened. She couldn't have expected Faith to know any better with the way she understandably was and she was the slayer…the oldest slayer. It didn't take long before Faith fell asleep from the sedative Joyce had tricked her into drinking and when she was asleep, Joyce looked to Buffy and Xander for an explanation.

"What happened to this child?" Joyce asked her daughter almost accusingly. But Xander stepped in to make it clear it was not to be blamed on Buffy.

"She had a run in with a pretty bad demon. He knew things about her past I guess and it just really shook her up."

Buffy stared at him questionably. Why was he taking up for her? It was her fault, she should be blamed. Whether Faith wanted her help or not she was Buffy's responsibility and her one thing to protect. But apparently she couldn't even do that. Faith had to save her. Not the other way around. How could she have possibly done that? Buffy couldn't even get away from him and she wasn't the one he was trying to upset. How had Faith gotten the nerve to do that?

In the back of her mind there had been many times when Buffy had wondered why out of every potential slayer in the world Faith had been chosen. Before that moment she could never figure it out. But now she had her answer. There was absolutely no way Buffy could have done it had she been in Faith's shoes. She was sure of that. And considering everything she had been through and just the plain fact that she wasn't either in a mental hospital or had killed herself, it was obvious that Faith was really an extremely well adjusted person. Better than herself. An admiration grew in Buffy's eyes for the girl that she never would have guessed she'd ever have.

The three walked back down stairs and into the living room, Xander and Buffy practically collapsing unto the couch.

"Well, I have a meeting with social services tomorrow about Faith. We may be able to get custody over her. What do you think, Buffy?"

"I think it's best for Faith if she stayed with us." Xander nodded his head in agreement.

_Faith walked over to her mother, who was past out on the floor drunk. She kneeled down and touched her arm carefully. _

_"Mom?" Her mother's hands suddenly leapt out at Faith, grabbing her by the neck and pinning her to the ground strangling her. _

_Faith looked up at her mother horrified as her mother stared down at her with wild, bloodshot and crazed eyes. _

_Her mother screamed into her face. "Ahhh! Bet you won't steal from your mother now! Will you? Steal. From. Me. You bitch!" Faith desperately tried to push her mother off of her, gasping for air and chocking when none made it back to her lungs. But still she kept pushing. Her mother was crazy. She could kill her, would kill her if Faith didn't get her off. She pushed one more time and suddenly her mother flew off from her into the air and over into a wall. Faith stayed in her place for a moment, gulping in air and rubbing her neck where her mother had undoubtedly left marks. _

_When her breath was caught up enough, she got to her feet and silently appraised how far off her mother had been thrown. It was clear across the room, three yards and the wall had crack a bit where she had initially hit. Faith had absolutely no idea how she had managed to do that but for the moment she didn't care. The woman laid on the ground and Faith went over to check to be sure she was alive. She saw that she was and hoped that she had hurt her pretty good, good enough to make her mother fear trying to kill her again any time soon. Faith ran out of the apartment and into an old stern looking woman who had her hair pulled up into a tight bun. _

_"Faith Lehanne, I presume?"_

_"Yeah, what's it to ya?"_

Buffy sat in her room on the phone relaying the day's events to Willow. "I want to know who sent that demon to kill Faith, Willow. Can you try to find out for me?"

"Sure, I can try."

"Good. I want to kill whatever bastard did this to her."

"Woah, getting a little overprotective there, Buffy? I mean, it's her demon to fight."  
"Willow you saw what happened to her. Someone has to protect her."

"Ok, ok. I get it, who better than the slayer to protect the other slayer from probably herself."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I did some checking, you know, just in case? And the mayor's been calling her everyday since she's been there."

_So, what do you think? A pairing, no pairing? A Xander pairing maybe? And about the mayor...I have two different ways I could take this... Please remember to give feedback! (I welcome any suggestions or criticism, the more I get the better I can make the story!)_


	10. that's my girl

Faith stared vacantly out the window as it began to rain outside. The sun was retreating quickly and Faith pulled a blanket around her shoulders getting a sudden chill. She watched the drops of rain fall lightly at first and then began to pang harder and harder against the window. By that time it was completely dark. How long had she been sitting there? She didn't know. Hours maybe, two or three at least. As the chill became strangely worse though it was not cold inside the room, Faith held the blanket closer to her, accidentally rubbing the edge of it against her fresh burn on her neck. That's when the memories broke down the dam and began to flood in.

"Tim?" Faith nudged him from beside him in the bed underneath the mountain of covers they had piled on as there was no heating. He couldn't afford the bill this month.

He turned around to face her and pulled the blankets over their heads like a small child would do. "Hum?"

"Do you ever have sex with other girls cause you don't with me?" She asked innocently without the least hint of accusation in her voice.

He sighed "Sometimes. But you're not like them, Faith."

"Oh really? What am I?" She asked as if she thought it was amusing.

"You're the girl that's too good for this. Look, I want to do you, I really want to do you. But that would be like a betrayal in your case, wouldn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Have you ever been with a man because you wanted to?"

Faith shook her head 'no'. Tim turned her around so that she'd have her back to him and pulled her up close to him, holding her closely yet loosely to him. The kind of hold that wasn't strong or protective or tight, just comforting and sweet.

"I got herpes anyway. No reason to give it to you if you ain't already got it." He froze and looked down at the giant bruise on her arm, furrowing his eyebrows before shrugging it off.

"I don't…think I do." Faith said strangely, as if thinking about the possibility of all the crap she might have caught for the first time.

Tim smiled. "Nawh, that's not what's going happen to you. You're special. You're gonna get out of this hell hole one day and make something of yourself."

Faith smiled at the memory, wishing she could have brought him with her here, that he was still alive. At least out of everybody, his abandonment had been accidental.

It would be so easy to join him, she thought to herself, _so, so easy. _

, she thought to herself, 

Xander walked in quietly and waited at the door for a moment, unsure of what to do. Faith grinned, still with her back to him.

"You think I don't know you're here Xander?"

He cleared his throat. "Yeah, sorry, I thought you'd be asleep. You're arm ok? Buffy said you broke it."

"Yeah, I shoved it back into place it'll be fine in a couple days."

"What about your neck?"

Faith turned around to give him a questioning look, as if what he had just said disturbed her somehow. She moved her hair over to display it with her hand. "The one thing that never goes away."

Xander walked closer to her and examined it closely. It was the worst burn scar he had ever seen. Her skin looked like melted wax mixed with blood where it was and it covered an area of about an inch tall and inch and a half wide. The scarred skin over it seemed too tightly pulled and raised at the same time. Some of it looked rough and was colored a strange purple. He was sure it must be painful.

"I got it when I was ten." She stated hoarsely.

"Oh yeah…" Xander tried to sound as if he knew nothing about it. "How'd it happen?"

Faith pierced into his eyes, trying to decide what to tell him. "I fell against a pot on the stove." She lied, convincingly had he not known the real reason.

He nodded his head. "Oh…" And with that he stood up and left, meeting Buffy going down the stairs. She brought a small bag in her hand from a pharmacy.

"Mom got you some burn cream." Buffy took it out and held it up to show Faith. "Do you mind if I-"

"I'm fine, B. You can just forget about that little show earlier. The guy brought back some bad memories and shit, that's all…I'm fine." She restated again more to herself than to Buffy.

"Uh huh." Buffy said in an almost sarcastic voice. "Well, just let me put it on anyways? For mom's sake? She did run out just to get it." Buffy said, knowing it would guilt Faith into letting her at least medicate the burn.

"Fine. Tell her I said thanks."

Buffy sat down on the bed behind her and went to work, carefully rubbing it into the disgusting burn that still smelled of burning flesh and muscle as Faith did her best not to cry out or wince from the pain it caused.

"She wants to adopt you, you know." Buffy said arbitrarily. "My mom." She knew that she had already been through way too much today but figured it might be a good idea to give her something positive to focus on instead of whatever was probably going on inside her head.

"Why?" Faith asked, totally shocked and confused sounding.

"Because she thinks you need a mother."

That was the wrong thing to say at the moment, apparently because Faith jumped up and whipped around to face Buffy, suddenly enraged. "I already had a mother! She was a bitch and I don't need another one! I don't need anyone!"

At hearing all the commotion upstairs, Joyce went to see what was going on and found both girls in a yelling match up in Faith's room."

"You can't just fix everything because you want to B! You have no idea- you- you have no idea! YOU CAN'T FIX IT."

"Girls, girls!" Joyce scolded. "What is going on up here?" She turned at Buffy first "You shouldn't be upsetting her like this young lady, you go to your room! And Faith, calm down and get back in bed before you get sick!" She shook her head. "And I thought one was hard."

Faith didn't sit down but instead opened the only drawer the dresser that had her few things in it and headed for the door.

"Faith." Joyce said sharply and stopped her by holding out her arm in the way. Faith didn't challenge her but met her eyes with her own. "Sit down." She led her over to the edge of the bed and sat down with her. "I want to talk to you. You may have some bad habits, but you are a good girl. Do you understand me?"

Faith nodded, but didn't believe it for a second. She wished she was a good little miss perfect like Buffy but she knew she wasn't. She could never be. She was trash.

"I know you and Buffy don't always get along but I've been talking to social services."

"You called them out on me?! Oh great! I gotta get mov'in!" Faith started to stand up with her extra clothes still bundled in her hands when Joyce once again gently stopped her.

"I want to them to let us keep you." Faith froze. Wondering if she had indeed heard the words right or if her mind was playing with her.

Joyce continued. "If it's alright with you I'd like to adopt you if I can." The woman stated as she turned the girl's head carefully in her hands to have her look at her while she finished.

"Will you do that? Just stop running out every five minutes and stay here with me…and Buffy?"

Faith had no idea what to do. This woman was obviously crazy for wanting to adopt some messed up evil second rate slayer that had tried to kill her own daughter. What could she possibly want with her? She didn't have anything to offer Joyce to make her care about her like she did the mayor. She knew he loved her like his daughter in a weird way but she had always figured it was because of what she could do for him. What could Joyce want Faith to do for her? Take over the slayer bit so her own daughter could be out of danger, maybe? It didn't seem very logical.

"Why?" That was the only word she could even formulate at the moment.

"Because I want to show you what a real mother can teach. The world isn't all bad, Faith. You can stay here and be my daughter and Buffy's little sister and finish high school, even go to college if you work at it enough. There's no reason for you to have to be out by yourself."

Faith felt very uncomfortable at the affection the woman was directing at her and found herself looking away at every possible opportunity. Joyce's face set more determinedly and her tone lowered. "No one will ever hit you here, Faith. That I can promise."

It made her mad and she raised her voice a bit at the woman. "How do you know anyone hit me? Maybe I'm just this way 'cause-"

"Because I'm a mother and I can tell things. No one gets as hurt as you are for no reason. Now I don't know what all has happened to you and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I know that you are a good girl."

Faith remained silent and just stared at the woman in wonder. _Could she be right? Maybe she really does want me? No…_

Joyce stood up and hugged the girl, making her discomfort even worse. "Just think about it, sweetie. Ok? Tell me what you think later."

A few minutes after Joyce left the room the mayor called again. And as always, Faith picked up the phone.

"Hey Faithie. How's my girl doing? You should hear the news I've got on the ascension. Of course I can't tell you over the phone. How about I could get you tomorrow to go home."

"A demon attacked me there earlier."

"Oh, really? I'll have the place cleaned up for you. Are you ok?"

"Yeah. Five by five."

"That's my girl. I'll see you tomorrow."


	11. hitting where it hurts

_There's a demon outside the window. It's Dale again, scratching and tapping at the glass to get her attention. Faith is sound asleep in her bed, covers pulled up to her shoulders, eyes closed, no make up. Just Faith who is starting to stir from the persistent noise. Finally, her eyes blink open and she turns around, tossing back the covers and hesitantly getting out of bed. _

_She yawns softly and walks over to the window still half asleep and is just opening her eyes as the scary man punches through the glass and grabs her. Faith screams, desperately for help and no one comes. No one knows. Buffy is out patrolling and Mrs. Summers is deeply asleep down the hall. Dale jerks her through the window, cutting her delicate skin on the broken glasses as she is pulled and disappears. _

Xander jerked awake. This was the fifth nightmare he'd had since the stroll through Faith's memory lane. Willow told him that she was getting them too, though she had turned away or hid her eyes for more of the worst parts. He had no idea how Faith did it, or how she got any sleep for that matter. The nightmares had to be worse for her than they were for him. He'd only watched them, she had actually lived it all. But then again maybe Faith didn't dream. He laid back down and tried to go to sleep to no avail. By now he was wide awake.

He looked over at the alarm clock on his nightstand. Four thirty am. He needed to go check on her, he thought, it was the only way to be able to relax and fall back asleep. Yep, that's a good logical reason (or excuse). He got dressed quickly and drove over to the Summers' household. Getting the key out from where he had seen Buffy get it a hundred times, he quietly walked inside, creeping upstairs with the intention of just looking to see that Faith was still there and ok and then leave.

He made it to her room and cracked open the door, peeking his head just barely through. Just as he had reached his entire neck inside and began adjusting his eyes to the greater darkness inside the room he felt the door slam hard, trapping his head inside the room and his body outside and also making it quite hard to breathe.

"Don't you demons have off hours or something?" Faith said hoarsely.

"Faith!" Xander gasped, trying to free his neck.

"Xander!" She let go of the door and the pressure on his neck thankfully subsided. He stepped into the room and caught his breath.

"What the hell?" She asked, somewhere between annoyed and confused.

"I was just…" His eyes met hers and he couldn't come up with a decent excuse "I was worried about you. I just wanted to check…yeah. So you're okay and apparently a very light sleeper." He stared at her, hoping she would say something, anything to put and end to the awkwardness, but she just remained staring at him.

"I'm gonna go now." He spat out clumsily and turned to leave the room.

"Everybody's worried about me these days. Buffy won't hardly let me out of her sight. Her mom says she wants to adopt me." Faith let out, obviously striking up a much needed conversation as she plopped back down on her bed.

"Yeah, well we all just want to make sure you're ok."  
"You don't get it. I'm against you people. I'm evil. I could kill you…right now if I wanted to, just like that." She snapped her fingers in demonstration.

"You're not evil, Faith. You've just got some problems. It's not you're fault."

"How do you know? You don't know anything about my life! All the shit I've done." Faith said defensively.

"Yeah, and I bet no one's ever done anything to you, right? It's always what you've done. Right, Faith?"

She stared a hole through him about after he said that before answering. "That doesn't matter. It's not an excuse."

Xander finally sat down beside her. "When I was five, pulled a pot down from the stove, it was boiling and it poured on me and my dog's feet. I started screaming, so did the dog. My ma never taught me not to play around the oven until then. Was it my fault?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it."

"You can't know better unless you're taught better. It's not you're fault if you don't know."

Faith grinned and looked up at the ceiling. "You've been hanging out with Giles too much."

Xander grinned back and nodded. "Probably." He looked at Faith seriously. "What happened before you came to Sunnydale?"

Faith stared at his strait in the eyes for a moment, contemplating and coming up without anything to say. "Nothing."

"You're parents were good to you?"

Faith laughed. "My mother's dead and I never met my father."

"I'm sorry." He cleared his throat.

For a moment her eyes darkened before she quickly pulled her armor back up. "Yeah, whatever. No big deal."

"Did you ever have a boyfriend? You know the ones that last longer than one night?"

She chuckled. "Few times. Loser except maybe one, but he's dead. There's no point."

"How do you know?"

"I just know, okay? Can you stop with the twenty questions?"

"Sorry. I just wish I could know you."

"Why? So I'll screw with you again? Look, if you want to do me, then let's go. But you better be quiet 'cause I'm not waking Ms. Summers."

Xander's expression saddened. "I don't want to 'do' you, Faith."

"Then what the hell do you want from me?" Faith asked, by this time tired and frustrated and somehow feeling defeated.

Xander stared from beside her for a minute and then quickly leaned his head around and kissed her shortly, then stood up and left without giving her a chance to do or say anything in response.

Faith remained sitting there with the lingering feeling left on her lips. Xander had kissed her like some twelve year old boy would on his first date. It wasn't hot and heavy or passionate or greedy, but short and innocent and sweet. She had only been kissed like that by one other guy before. The next thing she knew she was laying back under the covers in her bed sobbing.

He had to do that: hit her where it hurts. Like she hadn't had enough today to deal with. But her lips where still oddly tingling. She wasn't sure why. She could never be with Xander, at least not in any way more than physical. He was a good guy, a much better guy than the ones she was used to be around.

She was way too messed up for him and he deserved better than her, as did the Summers. And it was too late to go back on her agreement with the mayor now. His love she didn't have to feel guilty for. She could earn it by doing her job and that she was good at, not to mention the fact that he was just bad or even worse than her. That relationship she could handle.

The next morning when Buffy and Joyce awoke, Faith was gone.

_I'm sparing them. They don't need me around. Maybe it's like my own way doing the right thing or something. If I'm fighting for the mayor it'll make it a lot easier for them to just kill me…if I'm lucky._


	12. His little girl

Note: I just edited this chapter a lot because it was pointed out that it seemed rushed and I agree, so hoefully this version of it is better.

This chapter involves character death and is very, very angsty, so just a warning for that out for everyone. Should be the last overly upset Faith chapter though, cause i know this storyline is pushing it with how much she can take. And if you're reading this, please review whether it's good or constructive.

"Faith, I'm very glad you're back." The mayor commented with a hand on her shoulder as the two walked through the halls of his office building. "I've got a very important job that I need your help with."

"What?" Faith asked, looking up to the man.

"Why, killing Buffy Summers." The mayor stated in a strangely upbeat way, like he had just told her good news that he was excited and confident about.

"That little girl has been nothing but a pebble in my shoe since I began this plan for ascension." He glanced at Faith and could tell from her vacant expression he had learned to know well that she was upset about something.

"What have they been feeding you anyway? You look like you've lost weight, young lady. I'll see to it you eat some healthy food tonight, none of that junk food you kids like so much. Keep ya healthy." He patted her on the back in a friendly way as they made it into his actual office.

She forced a grin and followed him. He picked up a phone and dialed.

"Hello, Ms. Summers. May I speak to your daughter please? Good, good, thanks. Meet me at the school in an hour. It's a Sunday, it'll be deserted. We settle this thing today." He hung up and turned to Faith.

"And afterwards you can finally get some rest, none of them bothering you anymore."

"Yeah." Faith answered uneasily.

Buffy hung up the phone and gave a vacant look to Xander and Giles, who were already at her house. They all knew that Faith disappearing probably meant that she had returned to the mayor and his vendetta for the ascension. Everyone had met in the library one hour after the mayor called, like he said; Buffy, Faith, the mayor, Xander, Giles…except for Willow who was running a bit late.

Faith and the Mayor strolled in last and Faith walked straight up to Buffy, being sure to put out a very confident air. Buffy and Faith faced each other in what they knew would be an end all fight.

"Have we come to this again, Faith?" Buffy sighed as she braced herself, really not wanting to have to do this. A few weeks ago she would have happily fought and tried to beat the crap out of Faith, but now things were different. A good beating wasn't what she thought Faith needed to straighten out anymore. She didn't want to hit her. In fact, she seriously thought for a moment about letting Faith win, showing her that she didn't want to be against her. But then the mayor's plan for ascension creped back into her head and she knew that if she let Faith win it would only help the mayor. She wanted, letting Faith have the first move.

Faith braced herself to fight and threw a sloppy first punch that Buffy dodged and twisted around to grab Faith from behind. But Faith moved too fast and kicked Buffy in the side. It landed and Buffy fell, but even so Buffy was starting to get the feeling Faith wasn't trying her best. She jumped up and began fighting again.

It was obvious that Faith was trying to make her mad, mad enough for Buffy to want to hurt Faith, but she didn't really seem like she was trying to beat Buffy. She kept throwing her punches and kicks where she knew it would hurt, but not cause any real damage. Buffy wasn't quite sure how to react to that, so she kept fighting and blocking, but tried to not hurt Faith too much either in the process.

They were in the middle of fighting when a boy came into the mix, strolling through the library double doors near where Giles was standing and pulled out a gun, shooting him over the desk to the other side as it were nothing, without even taking a second glance. He looked no older than sixteen and seemed familiar somehow, though Faith and Buffy were sure they didn't know him.

Xander stared at Giles and the boy in shock for a moment and Buffy ran over to check on him as boy headed straight for Faith. He glared at her with hatred filled eyes and never took them off her. Faith stared at him back bravely with her head up and waited to be shot, knowing by the way he stared at her that it was coming. He was going to kill her. And right as she realized that this could be the real and utter end another though entered her mind. A question; _do I really care?_

"Who are you?" Xander asked from across the room, hoping to distract him from shooting Faith for at least a moment and give her time to formulate a plan or do something.

"Who do you think hired the demon that you killed?" The boy returned spitefully. "I didn't want to have to do it myself, but obviously a gun's the only thing that I know will do the trick. My father gave this to me. I don't care what you are, this" He ran his hand over the odd looking gun "will kill you."

He turned to Faith. "You killed my father. Now you're gonna die."

"Who was your father?" Faith asked desperately and a little confused. She had only killed one person…right?

"He used to work for the mayor, just like you do now until you staked him like some kind of vampire and then ran away like he was nothing!"

The mayor looked at Faith, wide eyed from beside her. A million thoughts ran through his head. He was fond of Faith, she wasn't just a worker for him she was like the daughter he never had. The fear of losing her flooded his mind like the day he had found out she had been attacked.

She probably didn't even know that he had come to see her, every day until Buffy came and he knew the best thing to do was to let them take care of her away from all the violence that surrounded his life currently. He wasn't sure up to this point who had done it to her or way, but he mostly blamed himself, figuring it was one of his enemies or something, making it his fault. He had been afraid until he had heard she was awake and recovering and he had called her that she would blame him, quit, leave him alone. She wouldn't be his little girl anymore.

Buffy began trying to sneak up on the boy from behind.

"I hope you die, bitch." The boy shook his head as tears of anger fell down his cheeks and he pulled the trigger. The moment he pulled it Buffy jumped on him from behind and forced him to the ground, grabbing the gun from him a second too late and threw it across the room.

Xander ran over to Faith who was sitting crumpled up on the ground with the mayor…who had gone in front of her just in time to take the bullet himself. His eyes stared wide open at hers and she stared back in shock. Faith held his upper body off the floor and looked down to find that he was shot through the heart and already dead. Angry tears immediately filled her eyes and just jumped up in an attempt to attack the boy that Buffy already had constrained. She let Faith hit him a few times but then handed to boy over to Xander and forced Faith away so she wouldn't kill him.

Willow had just walked in to see the scene unfold and went to Giles. He nodded to her as she came near him panicked that he was alright, he had only been shot in the forearm. Willow gave a confused smile until she looked over in Faith's direction and picked up the phone from the desk to call an ambulance.

Faith was pretty shaken up. She stayed that way with the mayor until the paramedics came, and even then, she had trouble letting them take him away in a body bag. Buffy had to hold her back as they did and she also had to keep her held back until the boy was arrested and taken away by the cops.

She was in pieces…again. She kept asking his body over and over again "Why did you have to do that? Why couldn't you have lived and just let them kill me! Oh God, why couldn't he kill me? Why you and not me?"

As Buffy was holding her back away from the paramedics as they left, Faith began to try to fight with her again. Impulsively, emotionally, impatiently, and in all other ways that beg for a loss. But this time Buffy refused to fight her and just simply took the blows until Xander finally came between them and let Faith beat on him. He punched at his chest and knocked the wind out of him a few times. He knew he would have bruises later but he didn't care. She kept hitting him as he pulled her in to hug, and the strong punches turned into weak girly slaps until she finally ended up crying into his chest.

Xander looked over to Willow, signaling for her to go to the hospital with Giles while he and Buffy stayed with Faith. She nodded and left, grateful for the excuse to not have to watch the scene any longer. She couldn't handle Faith or her past like the other two could and since she had seen it, just being around Faith in the condition she had been in lately upset her too much to act normally. They had all agreed it was best for her to just avoid Faith for the time being until something changed or Willow learned to coop.

Xander ended up scooping Faith up and sitting down with her on a chair as he let her cry and Buffy stood nearby incase she went into slayer aggressive mode again and Xander couldn't handle her. She watched the scene from just a few yards away and wondered when Xander and Faith had become so close. She knew they had slept together before a while back but it didn't seem like that really had anything to do with it.

He heard her muffled cries into his shirt just barely. "I want to die." Which made him nervous and more upset and he took a tight hold around her. Buffy hadn't heard it. Xander wasn't quite sure what she would have done if she had, but he knew it wouldn't have been good.

It killed both of them that they couldn't think of anything to do but wait there with her. The boy had been arrested, thankfully, so they didn't have to worry about her going psycho and killing him in revenge… of course Buffy had made sure to let her ruff him up a good bit before the cops had gotten there so she could at least get some of it out, hoping that it would be enough and she wouldn't do something characteristically stupid later.

And now it was just the three of them. They waited for her to calm down but this time she didn't on her own. If anything she just got worse. She had lost everything.

"I want to die." She mumbled again quietly.


	13. brownies and girl talk

_Sorry this chapter took so long to post, but i've had crazy college assignments and roomate troubles to deal with. I did some major changing of the last chap and suggest everyone reread it before reading this one. It's about twice as long as it was orginially and before it just seemed rushed and not good so hopefully it's better now. And this is the first chapter that I didn't have to make something bad happen to Faith, so enjoy and remember to give feedback!_

Somehow, though God knows how, Joyce managed to convince the social worker to award her custody despite the fact that Faith totally missed the appointment meeting thanks to the little incident at the library the day it took place. Ever since then she seemed like a different person. It was like she just gave up on fighting.

But at this point she had already lost everything, what was the point? If it had been her, Buffy thought one night while trying to go to sleep, she would have let some demon kill her a long time ago. But not Faith. Faith was to tough to ever give in…until now. She was eighteen years old and her life held more violence and tragedy than five or six more people put together would normally experience in a lifetime. How could anyone actually expect her to really get through it?

Buffy and Xander decided to paint her room a few days later in an attempt to cheer her up momentarily. She wasn't talking much these days to anyone. Currently the room was a plain off white color and they both had agreed that it might make her feel more at home and help the situation feel more permanent, if they painted it a more Faith like color. But neither could quite figure out what color would be best. The only color they could think of was a crimsony red. But that wasn't very cheerful and the whole point was to cheer her up. At asking her she insisted to not bother.

"I don't care."

Buffy teased her and said that if she didn't pick that her and Xander would paint it pink, which scared her enough to go to the paint store to find something she liked with Xander one day while Buffy was training with Giles.

They walked through the isles of colored paper samples silently, but Faith didn't bother paying much attention. Xander tried to point out a few choices he thought she might think were ok though and somehow they ended up with a "cerulean" blue. It was kind of dark, but still had a bright edge to it somehow. They met up with Buffy afterwards to clear everything out and start painting. But Faith wasn't very enthused at the project, much more content to train and spend the rest of the day either out by herself or moping around the house.

Xander had borrowed a ladder to do the top parts of the walls with while Buffy and Faith (neither any taller than five foot two and three) stuck to the bottom and middle parts. For the first twenty minutes or so it was more or less silent until Buffy accidentally knocked Xander off the ladder causing his brush to fall across Faith's hair, painting a thick line of it blue. The other two both froze, not knowing what to do and looked at each other, waiting for an expectedly bad reaction.

Buffy felt something cold and wet suddenly at the back of her neck and turned to see Faith…smiling? She stuck her hand into a can of paint and then slopped it back into Faith's face while Xander snuck up on both of them with an extra can and poured some unto both of their backs. Buffy pulled him down on top of them by his legs and Faith laughed, smearing paint on both of them as it became an outright fight. Within five minutes they were all covered in wet blue paint from head to foot and were tangled up with each other on the plastic covered floor laughing uncontrollably.

Buffy was to first to try to untangle herself from the other two and stand up, claiming the shower first. Faith and Xander remained on the floor choking out the last of their laughter as Faith smeared one last bit of blue in Xander's short hair. He started to stand up but she caught his hand suddenly, instantly wondering why she had done so and Xander grinned and leaned back down to Faith looking up at him from the floor and kissed her quickly.

She seemed surprised and he wondered whether he should have done it or not. She got up and randomly pushed him against an unpainted portion of a wall, pinning him to it and kissing him with a veracity that reminded him of the night they had slept together. He had been enjoying it until that thought occurred to him and then he stopped responding, knowing that she didn't mean it like he did. It upset him and he gently pushed her away, taking a good look at her eyes.

"What's wrong?" She asked him in a normal tone.

"Do you even like me, Faith?"

She stared at him questionably and then backed away, giving him his space. As she walked out of the room she mumbled a "yeah" under her breath, just barely loud enough for him to hear it. Whether or not he had been supposed to he didn't know. He looked around to room confused.

Later that day after they had finished painting, gotten cleaned up, and Xander had gone Buffy and Faith sat in Buffy's room waiting for Joyce to call them for dinner.

"Your arm better yet?" Buffy asked, knowing, of course, that it had healed days ago.

"Yeah."

Faith had resorted back to her silence she had been filling the house with lately. Buffy tried to make conversation as best as she could, but Faith just didn't seem to be completely herself anymore. The fire was gone. Faith didn't argue or bother with much anymore. It worried Buffy, and she wondered it any of the other things she had seen Faith go through in her mind had done this to her. She hoped that maybe it had happened before and Faith would get back to normal with time.

Buffy didn't know at this point whether or not she should try to get Faith to go to slay at nights with her. It might give her a boost and something to enjoy or it might give her an easy way to die. Willow thought it would make things worse while Xander and Giles thought it might be good for her. But it was up to Buffy and Buffy had no idea what to do so she just kept trying to put it off as best she could.

Faith stared at the blank tv. "Do ya think I had it coming?" She absently asked Buffy, not wanting to look at her while making the comment.

"No," She waited until Faith finally looked at her before continuing "I don't. I think the worlds been unfair to you. It's not your fault…but I think it's gonna get better if you let it."

The last bit made Faith huff out a heavy breath. "Sure. Have you talked to your mom lately?"

Buffy looked away from her to another random direction in the room. "Yep. She bound and determined to adopt you."

"She got custody, I don't know why she wanted that. I just don't get you people. I mean. do you really want to have me around as a sister? And she's trying to be my mother."

Buffy glanced over at her from the side. "And you _don't _love the attention?" She asked sarcastically.

Faith rolled her eyes and threw a pillow in Buffy's face. "Shut up. She's nice, I like your mom. But I don't fit in here. What am I supposed to do? Go to school and be a cheerleader and come home to make brownies with Joyce and go out with Xander and slay with you? Doesn't seem real."

Buffy grinned and tossed the pillow back at her. "Hey, that was my life for several years thank you- except the part about going out with Xander anyways."

But Faith caught it before it landed on her face and stared at Buffy in a dead serious way. "Exactly."

Buffy only stared back at her for a moment, letting her know that she understood before continuing to joke. "So you like Xander, huh? Wanna have a girl talk about it with your big sister who knows _everything_?"

That joke even made Faith smile and chuckle a little. "I don't know, B. What should I do?"

"Faith asking me for advice? Wow, my mom really has gotten to you. Well, if you like living here with my mom and you like Xander then why don't you just let her? Besides, you're not so bad when you're not evil…I'd have you as a sister. And it's obvious Xander's nuts about you. And my mom loves you. It's a good track to get on, Faith." Buffy finished before deciding to have some fun and whack her in the side of her head with another pillow, which quickly metastasized into a full on pillow fight…or war considering both girls had slayer fighting abilities.

Faith had a lot on her mind going to bed that night, but for once in a really long time she actually fell asleep happy. Buffy, on the other hand, had to go out patrolling instead and her night, as she would soon discover, would be anything but.


	14. bonded

_"Principle Snyder?" Faith asked, walking into the room at the school where he was doing something…weird. His eyes were black and he had his back to her, motioning his hands upward as he mumbled something she couldn't understand. She tried to walk in closer…_

She never could remember that dream exactly when she woke up even though she'd had it several nights in a row now. She smelled pancakes downstairs and smiled. Joyce. Living with the Summers was weird, but whether or not she was ready to admit it, she was defiantly getting used to all the perks of normal family life.

Everything about it felt so much more secure and comforting than she was used to while on her own. Slowly, at least inside the house with Buffy and Joyce, her fierce guard was lowering. She didn't feel like she had to be super alert and on the defense all the time. No one would hurt her there and she wouldn't hurt anyone either.

She walked downstairs and Joyce handed her a plate full of pancakes as she sat down next to Buffy who was also still in her pajamas.

"Thanks." She said to Joyce as she in response nodded to her and told both of them that she needed to get to work and told Buffy to not be late for school.

"Morning, B." Faith mumbled casually as she stuffed the first fork load full of pancake into her mouth. Buffy didn't answer and Faith noticed se wasn't eating any of her food and looked pretty zoned out.

"You alright there, B?"

Buffy wearily looked up at her from the side, wearing a barely awake face. "Yeah."

"How many vamps did yah dust?" She figured it must have been a really busy night. Had to be to get Buffy this worn out.

"None. I fought principal Snyder." Her tone made it obvious that she was still confused about it. Warning bells rang out in Faith's head though she wasn't sure why.

Then something caught her eye. Buffy had a cut on her stomach were her shirt and pajama pants didn't quite meet. It didn't look serious, but the principle must've been pretty good to get a jab landed on Buffy like that. Few things Faith had seen her fight were able to leave the tiniest mark at all on her. That would've needed stitches on a normal person.

Buffy saw her look there and Faith didn't bother to ask about it. "You get rid of him?" "No. I don't think so. I can't remember. I need to talk to Giles." She got up from her chair and left to get dressed. Faith finished both of their pancakes.

Xander came to picked Buffy up and Faith answered the door still in her pajama shorts and tank. She let him inside.

"Uh, I think she'll be ready in a minute." Faith stated and Xander looked her top to bottom.

"Uh, ok, yeah. Hey, do you want to go out tonight?" He scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"Like what, on a date?" Faith knew the answer of course, she was just trying to make him squirm.

"Uh, well, I was hoping that maybe we-"

"Relax Xand, yeah I'll go." Xander visibly relaxed just as Buffy drug herself down the stairs in a still half asleep condition and Xander left with her for school. Faith shook her head and grinned.

She went up to her newly decorated room and got dressed for the day, taking her time to look around and admire it while no one could walk in on her to see how much it meant to her. It was the first place she ever had that really felt like hers. Electric blue colored walls, a non floral bed spread that Joyce had bought her as a surprise and a dresser that had almost two drawers full of her clothes.

She was supposed to go shopping with Buffy this weekend to get more with her new allowance. Weird. She felt kind of like one of those normal teenagers she had seen on tv shows. But she still didn't feel like she deserved it at all and she still was pretty distraught over the death of the mayor.

She didn't bother with quite as much make up today, hadn't been lately, though she still wore a good deal of it. She felt like she was playing a part in a play. That it wasn't real even though she desperately wished it was. Buffy finally came home after school and decided to take a nap. Faith could see that she really needed it.

Xander picked her up later on. They went out to dinner, which was a first for Faith. Faith just didn't do the whole dinner and a movie thing. He never kissed her. It was weird for her. She was used to a lot less talking and a lot more physical contact. He told her that the next time she kissed him he wanted her to mean it. Whatever that meant. They were passing the grave yard on the way home when she saw Buffy…fighting Snyder. And even weirder, she wasn't winning.

Faith didn't even have to tell Xander to pull over. She ran over as he backed away from both of them and pulled a gun. Buffy seemed like she was in a trance or something and Faith put a hand on Buffy's shoulder in an attempt to snap her out of it. They got back to the car.

"You ok, Buff?" Xander asked quickly as Faith half helped, half pushed her into to car.

She didn't answer. Faith silently looked her over, finding nothing wrong, but somehow getting more nervous because of that fact.

"Take her to Giles, Xander, something weird is going on and he needs to look at her and figure out what."

Xander nodded and drove. But by the time they got there Buffy seemed a lot less spaced out. They went inside and started explaining everything to Giles.

"Well, it's obvious that Snyder is a demon. We'll just have to figure out what kind so that you two can kill him." Giles said with an unusual giddiness in his voice and a grin on his face. Buffy quirked a questioning eyebrow at him. "Remember the man made me host a talent show. I knew he wasn't human."

"Yeah, but that's the thing. I can't fight him. Every time I take a swing I feel like it hurt me as much as him." She pulled up her shirt a little to reveal a huge green and purple bruise on her abdomen that looked extremely painful. "He didn't hit me there…that's where I punched him."

Giles looked at the bruise closely, squinting behind his glasses and then taking then off for a nervous cleaning. "He's bonded himself to you." The watcher said quietly, heading for his books shelves and pulling out several, stacking then into a pile on the table. Xander stood watching from near Faith while Giles explained it to then.

"Some demons can bond themselves to another particular demon or being. I-it would make it so that if the demon were to be attacked it could be hurt by nothing else. It-it becomes kind of impervious to everything except what it bonded with and whatever it bonded with is the only thing that can kill it. But to do so would be suicide. Whatever the you do to physically hurt the demon you would also be doing to yourself."

"So you're saying she can't fight it without hurting herself?"

Giles cleaned his glasses once again, obviously not liking the particular predicament they were in and feeling uncomfortable. "I' not sure, but he may be able to track you. You all should stay here tonight just to be safe."

They all nodded, feeling worried for Buffy, an went to bed exhausted. Xander in one bed room, Giles in another, the girls in the third. Faith laid down beside Buffy, who already almost asleep because she was so exhausted, and stared at her for a while.

She felt scared for the older girl and was beginning to fear losing the blond that had let her come into her home and treated her as a sister. Faith loved the girl almost as a sister and couldn't imagine not having her around to tease her and keep her grounded. She fell asleep facing her and that was when the nightmares began.

_I have three different ways I could take this. What do you think? Right now, I'm planning on a tragic ending, but let me know what your ideas are or if you think i should do something else. Also should I get Faith and Xander together before it ends or no? _


	15. Soft core Faith

_This chapter is rated M for sexual situations. Message me if you want a cleaned copy._

"Faith?" Buffy asked, sitting on the bed cross legged in Faith's room staring at her with a look of comforts adoring her face.

Faith turned to her from the window. The fake bravery wasn't working on her. She knew very well how scared the older girl must be.

"It's gonna be ok, Faith." She was beginning to sound so much wiser than she used to these days. Of course, it wasn't exactly a day, it was a dream and both of them knew it.

Faith came to sit down next to the blonde and looked at her with tears threatening her eyes.

"You're not gonna do what I think you are, are you?" Her tone sounded so young and innocent to Buffy, and she felt an overwhelming need to somehow protect the broken rogue slayer she had begun to come to love like a sister. She hadn't protected Faith like she should have before. She let things happen. Too much happen. And this time she was about to have to do something to hurt her more to protect her and everyone else she loved. Giles had found more about Principle Snyder than he had told the others. But before she went to bed he had pulled her aside to talk. It was a thousand times worse than he had let on.

"_He is from the hell mouth. A demon older than any she had ever fought masquerading as the principle of the school directly above the opening of the hell mouth. Listen Buffy, this bonding process, it takes a few days. From what it sounds like it's already been two. If the third day finishes and he finishes the ritual, not only will you be the only one to kill him he'll be able to control you. Your mind will be brainwashed and you will be on his side." _

_Buffy had stood there quietly as he finished, looking directly at him before answering. "Then I have to kill him." He stared at her the way he had two years before after finding out about her death prophecy. The look you give to someone you care about that you know you're about to lose. Buffy mustered up a brave face and went to bed exhausted, knowing it would be her last night alive. _

They both knew that mind reading was often to be had in their slayer's dreaming and Faith knew every word of this as well as Buffy did. Buffy just had to be strong about it. She needed to set an example. After all, once she was gone Faith would be the slayer, the only slayer. The slayer that had the world rest upon her shoulders as it had on Buffy's for the past years. Tomorrow Buffy would have to go to face him and she wouldn't come back.

Buffy managed a weak smile for Faith's behalf and put a soft hand to the other girl's cheek. "It'll be ok. I know you can do it."

And then Faith did something that neither of them ever expected. She threw her arms around the blonde and hugged her closely, she did not cry, but only because she was putting an insane amount of effort to keeping herself from it. Buffy wrapped her arms around Faith and hugged her back, trying her best to comfort the girl as best she could.

She knew quite well that what she was experiencing was probably the most affection that Faith that probably shown anyone in her life up to that moment. And it was. Not even Tim had ever been hugged by Faith, though he had hugged her before and she didn't shove him away. It was a big step for the girl.

Faith finally pulled away. "Buffy, don't do this."

"You know I have to. I'm the only one that can. I'm the slayer." She walked over to a dresser with a bowl of water and cloth on it and dipped the cloth into it. Faith watched as she wet half the cloth and then rang it out, leaving the other half dry and walked back over to Faith, who was still sitting on the edge of the bed. Buffy knelt down in front of her and very carefully began to use it to remove all of Faith's make up.

"I'm going to show you how to use this stuff before I leave." She said as she finished removing it. "You're beautiful, Faith. You don't need it."

She opened up her purse beside her and pulled out a couple things. "But just to complement it, here." She took her own lip gloss and a couple of other much more subtle and put it on Faith's face, pulling out a small mirror so Faith could see it when she was done. Buffy smiled. "Now everyone will be able to see you instead of just all that makeup."

Faith smiled a little sheepishly and nodded in approval, making Buffy smile. "Thanks." She managed out.

"Well, what are sister's for?" Both girls managed a grin and Buffy began to walk out of the room.

"You are, you know." Faith called out as she neared the door. Buffy stopped and turned to smile at her and then left, closing the door behind her and leaving Faith alone. Faith stood up and slowly walked to the larger mirror, staring at her very different reflection and coming to a decision.

Faith awoke suddenly and quickly turned to see the peacefully sleeping blonde next to her. She brushed some hair away from her face and carefully got up so as not to wake the girl.

"Xander?" He woke up to Faith standing close to the side of his bed. It was dark, but she seemed different in the face somehow, softer. He looked over to the alarm clock on the nightstand to see that it was two a.m. Not waiting for his to answer, she climbed into bed beside him and sat on her knees.

"Hi there, Faith. So what do I owe this very last night visit?" He stumbled out as he sat up.

"I like you Xander. I want you to show me something." He stared at her for a moment wondering what she could possibly-

But before he could finish his thought he was cut off by her kissing him sound on the lips and, at least compared to the other times she had kissed him, it seemed much softer. It was like she was trying to go a little slower, be slightly less aggressive. Before he could get too used to it, however, she pulled away.

"Faith, that's very nice, but I don't want to screw you, remember? Trying to take it slow here?"

Faith stared at him silently for a moment, obviously having something she needed to say but didn't quite know how.

"I don't want to fuck." She finally answered simply and stared at him again before leaning forward to kiss him like before. But this time he was more awake and less surprised so he did a much better job reciprocating. They continued to kiss slowly, sweetly and, for once, there was more than just desire radiating from her lips. She seemed genuinely new at this and as if she were curious about something as she began to lean back slowly and bring him with her until he was leaning over her.

Finally he pulled away enough to look at her face and brushed his hand across the side of it affectionately as he looked into her large brown eyes trying to figure out exactly what was going on. She actually looked…apprehensive?

"Faith?" And then he understood. She wanted to know what it was to have sex for something other than just physical want. Suddenly the memory of watching her and Tim go to sleep flooded his mind and it clicked with him that she only knew what it was to screw and fuck and get raped. She had never been made love to. She must not have any clue what it feels like to do this with someone that she knew cared a lot about her. Of course, he never had either. She wanted to know. She wanted him to show her.

"Oh, God." He let out at the realization before he could stop himself. She watched as she saw him begin to understand what she was asking him for and smiled just a little bit up at his face.

He finally managed a nervous smile and leant down to kiss her this time, letting her head lay down against the pillow as they kissed and caressed the side of her face. She wrapped her little arms around his neck and opened her lips for him just a little so he could take the lead this time. And as hard as it was for her, she let him make most of the moves first, knowing that doing so would help keep it slow. He ran his hands slowly down her arms until he reached her hips and then rested both of them there, rubbing up and down just slightly and finally letting them wander to the skin below her shirt.

Her hands ran down his chest and then up to his back underneath his shirt as they continued to kiss without the hyper aggressive tone to it. It was almost as if they were having a contest to see who could be more patient. But finally Xander couldn't take it anymore as he heard her moan just slightly it the back of her throat and ran his hands up her sides and pulled her shirt up and over her head.

He began working his kisses away from her lips and traced them along the line of her jaw and then slowly down her neck, taking extra time there before again moving them south to her collarbone and then finally meeting her black bra. He looked up at her to ask permission before removing it or going any farther and she just stared at him for a long moment to confusion before realizing what he was asking and reached around herself to unclasp it for him as an answer. The straps fell loose to the sides of her shoulders and he brought his lips back up to kiss one shoulder as he used one finger to draw the strap on one side down her arms and off, and then the other.

He backed away to look at her when it was off and appreciate how beautiful she was and cupped one of her breasts in her hand before tracing kisses over to one. He kissed and sucked and played with one nipple while rubbing his thumb gently over the other one, making it become harder and then switched. She felt his hands wonder and rub and touch her flat stomach and then trace along the waist line of her jeans as she finally pulled his shirt off and explore his surprisingly muscular chest and stomach with her own hands.

He came back up to meet her lips again and cradle her face with his hands before undoing her jean button and zipper and sliding his hands underneath them to felt her firm butt through her panties. She kissed the side of his neck and began unbuckling the front of his jeans as he peeled hers off, running his hands down her smooth thighs the whole time. And soon his were gone too. Wanting to take this as slow as she could, she brought his face back up gently with her hand to hers and kissed him deeply as she pushed off his boxers and he did the same with her underwear.

They kept kissing as he swept the back of his hand around her stomach and then finally reached for in between her legs. She parted them slightly to give him better access and he made her moan thickly in the back of her throat. She never was one to call out during sex, but the way she arched her back and deep moans he felt into their kiss was more than enough to encourage him. He slipped one finger inside her and then another, reaching with his other hand into his wallet on the night stand for a condom.

She took the packet from him and ripped it open as he continued and then rolled it on for him, intentionally squeezing here and there a bit and touching him just to tease him. But that sent him over the edge and he positioned himself over her as she parted her legs and very gently let himself inside. At first, he just went in a little, but as she wrapped her legs around him he went in farther until he filled her and sent a rhythm.

It felt different for Faith somehow, nicer, at first she couldn't place why but then she opened her eyes to see him staring down at her and watching the expressions on her face for any signs of pain or discomfort. He was being gentle, she realized. She was used to men plowing in as hard as they could and riding them just as rough. She had never taken the slower path that in some ways wasn't quite as satisfying, but in another way satisfied her more. Xander was paying more attention to making it good for her than for him. She lifted her head off the pillow as best she could and met his lips in several light butterfly kisses to show her appreciation.

After it was over he lowered himself down carefully so as not to crush her and kissed her one more time on the mouth before rolling off beside her and laying on his side, pulling her back up close to him and wrapping an arm over her side. She smiled as he kissed the back of her head and wrapped her own arms over his as he fell asleep. And only when she felt his breath steady and knew he was unconscious did she carefully crawl out of his arms and leave.

_Obviously, this is the last chapter before I have to decide what to do with Faith or Buffy. So, I'm asking for your input to make sure I get it right. What would you rather see happen? Right now I do have an ending planned but it could easily change depending on what kind of feedback I get. _


	16. life's a bitch

Note: This could be the end or not, I'm not quite sure yet so leave feedback if you have an opinion on the subject. Enjoy and remember, it you like the ending tell me to leave it, if you can't stand it, let me know and I'll add more and it will be different.

_Faith looked up at Buffy sitting across from her on the yellow blanket they were sitting on in some park. She was wearing a pastel pink dress and a peaceful face and holding a dark blue teacup with both hands._

_She looked down and found herself to be wearing a white dress, to her surprise and disgust. Buffy had an overactive imagination if she thought that she would wear white, let alone a dress, at all even if it were a dream, but before she could focus on it too much, Buffy reached her hand out and pushed a plate with a sandwich in it over to her for her to eat._

_"Thanks." She murmured. The sky was filling with clouds. It was going to rain. The tea cup that was in her own hands began to shake because of the trembling she couldn't seem to help while Buffy held hers steady._

_Buffy gave her a warm and encouraging smile. "You look so pretty, Faith. I wish you would smile."_

_"How can you tell me that?" Faith spat out, her tone seeping with anger. "You don't understand, Buffy."_

_The older girl reached her hand over to Faith's cheek to rub it softly. "I'm so sorry, Faith. I love you." No one had ever said that to her before. She sat back as tears began to roll down Faith's cheeks and was about to take a sip of her tea when Faith angrily stood up and grabbed the cup from her hand, throwing it violently against the tree where it shattered into a million pieces._

_Buffy looked up at the younger girl, disturbed to find Faith's face set as if in stone. "No!" Faith roared out._

"Buffy, Faith?" Giles knocked on the bedroom door. "Are you decent?"

Buffy sat up sleepily and reached her arm out to shake Faith awake, only she wasn't there. Her side of the bed was empty and cold.

"Yeah, Giles, come in." He opened the door and looked surprised to find Buffy there by herself. Buffy shrugged. "I don't know where she is."

Giles nodded and scurried into the room with a book in his hand and sat it on the edge of the bed, cleaning his glasses for the billionth time probably that day. "I've been up all night researching and I think we may have a way around this." Buffy perked up immediately and began to listen just as Xander walked in looking somewhat confused.

"Hey has anyone seen Faith? She kinda ran out on me-" He saw the questioning looks on both of their faces and Giles take off his glasses to clean them again. He quickly became embarrassed, however, as he realized what he had inferred by saying she was with him in the middle of the night.

Buffy's face became serious as she remembered that last dream and realization hit her. "Oh my God."

"Come on, Snyder. I wanna hurry this up and get it over with." She walked through the dark and empty school building and down to the basement, dagger in hand.

"I thought you dropped out." He sneered as she made her way down the last couple steps.

Faith didn't bother to answer; she just pulled out her dagger and braced herself to fight.

He started laughing. "You can't hurt me, girl. Only that little blonde delinquent can. But I can definitely hurt you."

She grinned and threw a hard punch in his face just to make sure and was rewarded with a horrible pain in her jaw and felt blood running down her neck from it. She hadn't known that she hit that hard until she felt it for herself and felt a twisted pride. Snyder covered the hit portion on his face with his hand in shock.

"Miss Summers." He said, obviously thinking that it was somehow still Buffy. Faith kicked him in the gut and fell to the floor herself on impact.

"Nope. Just her sister. By the way, there are two slayers in town, Snyder. You only get to mess with this one."

He still seemed in shock when he stood up. "You can't kill me. It's suicide."

"Yeah well," She pulled out the dagger and held it at his chest "life always was a bitch."

Buffy ran faster than she ever had before in her life from the mayor's office to the school. She prayed to any God up there the whole time that she wouldn't be too late. She knew she had not done it and wasn't dead yet because she could feel her somehow. Always could. Faith probably could too. It was part of what bonded them together as slayers. But Faith wasn't just 'the other slayer' anyone. She was her sister, at least in Buffy's mind, if not on paper yet. She loved and cared about the girl and couldn't bear to let another something happen to her.

And this wasn't just another something. This was giving up her life on a suicide mission. It was dying and completely permanent and cutting off any hope of ever showing Faith how good life could be. How much she could be loved. How much she could do with her life if she actually had people to push and encourage her. Buffy knew her life had not been perfect and some parts of it had even flat out sucked. But overall, she got the message. She had gotten her happiness. Faith had knew been allowed that and there was no way Buffy was letting her die without it. It wasn't fair.

She knocked the front doors on the way into the school down and raced to the basement. She wasn't sure how she knew to go there exactly, but something in the back of her head was telling her to and she didn't have time to waste second-guessing herself. As the older slayer reach the bottom of the stairs she saw the scene just a moment too late and screamed out in horror.

"Faith!" Buffy screamed just as she saw the bloodied girl plunge a dagger into the demon's chest in a killing blow. She ran forward and caught her sister just before she hit the floor and melted down with her. The side of her head was bloody and bruised and she seemed to be choking their was so much blood spilling out when she opened her mouth. She was dying. There was absolutely no doubt in either of their minds about it.

"No! No, no, no, no." Buffy moaned. "Why did you do that? You're so stupid Faith! Why did you have to do that? It was supposed to be me. Not you! What did you do that? It was supposed to be me." Buffy held her upper body off the floor and cradled the younger girl, crying. She felt a dirty hand at her cheek as Faith finished spitting up all the blood coming out of her throat and mouth. Most of it ended up on Buffy but she didn't even notice, as Faith finally was able to speak.

"Thank you."

"What?" Buffy sobbed. What could she possibly be thanking me for? I just got her killed. This is my fault. She looks so weak.

"I love you, B." She barely managed to choke out as more blood started coming up and she could barely gasp for breath again. Buffy twisted the girl over in her lap so that she was face down and wouldn't choke so on the blood. It helped for a moment and then her body started convulsing and Buffy quickly took off her jacket and realized she needed to put pressure over Faith chest wound, too much blood was pooling on the floor from it and a lot more was spilling from her throat. She heard Faith laugh just barely and gave her a quizzical look as she gently turned the younger girl over in her lap even through her tears.

"I can't feel anything anymore." Faith stated as if she were relived and even happy.

At that Buffy pulled Faith even closer, crying harder and rocking the girl softly.

"You can't leave me Faith, you can't…" She pulled something from her pocket and turned it over in her fingers…too many thoughts swirling in her head to make any sense of any of them yet somehow having perfect clarity anyways.

_Unto every generation…one girl… "Giles, but why her?"…I couldn't have done it…I can't do it…Faith can…She's stronger than me… "Why are you here, B?" She's spitting up more blood… "I'm taking you home" her eyes are closing… "She needs a mother!" no, please, stay awake! "I'm ruined…you ain't touching Buffy" I was supposed to protect you… "Are you ok?" " Five by five." I have to protect you… "You ever wonder what the powers that be had in mind when Xander gave you that CPR and it worked? I read that statistically it hardly ever works." I can barely even feel her breathing. "Will, I'm the slayer. Someone has to fight evil while Faith helps them."… Please, God, please, Faith…"I want to kill whatever bastard did this to her." "You're not so bad when you're not evil…I'd have you as a sister." I'm living on borrowed time. "Thank you. I love you, B." Her body fell completely limp. "I'm supposed to protect you."_

"I love you too, Faith. Take care of mom." She pulled out the body-switching device and quickly swung it around their hands and then there was nothing, knowing and accepting exactly what it is that she was about to do.

The blonde looked with shocked eyes at the dead body in her arms. Her dead body. Blood was everywhere. "Buffy?" Faith mumbled in a voice that didn't belong to her. She didn't answer. Her body was cold; the one she was holding that Buffy had somehow just died in. Then she saw it. The small thing that was attached to both of their hands and somehow she knew. And she cried.


	17. Not mine anymore

_I decided to continue with this and give it a different ending based on the feedback i got. This chap is written in a different style and is in Faith's pov. Next chap will be written like the others but I felt it important to show Faith's feelings on the subject for this one. Enjoy and remember to leave feedback! _

Everything feels wrong. Everyone looks at me differently. I don't feel right in her skin. Something about it just doesn't fit. I can barely stand to talk because every time I do it's her voice that comes out and I can't bear to hear it knowing that she's gone. I'm not sure why she would have done something like that. She had everything and no reason to want to die. I was completely willing to give my life up. Especially if it would spare hers. But she wouldn't let me do that and I just can't understand anything anymore.

Sometimes her friends, Giles, even her mom call me Buffy. I'm pretty sure having me walk about in her body isn't helping with the coping process. They forget that it's not her. And sometimes when they are not thinking about it they treat me like I'm her. Every time I look in the mirror she's who I see. Not me. Not my body. Hers. And it kills me. Is it normal to cry every time you look in the mirror? Or brush through long blonde locks that belong to the girl you called sister? Sometimes when I first wake up and look into the mirror I think it's her and I'm really the one that's gone.

I know she thought she was helping me somehow, but what she did proved my theory: everyone that cares about me dies and everyone else just tries to hurt or ignore me. And there's no point. I want to die. I want to just…but I can't. Because she died for me to live. Because every time I think about how easy it would be to end it, it would mean ending it in her body. Killing her body. I could never do that.

Her nails are kept manicured. I try to keep them and everything else about her body the way she had it because it's not mine and I feel like I'm just borrowing it somehow. Somehow she'll come back one day to claim it and will want it back in it's usual pristine condition unlike how I always kept my body. I always put my makeup on just like she taught me and it looks like her.

Xander tries to act normal around me but I know it's weird for him. He'll hug me but neither one of us goes any farther with anything. I don't feel like I have a right to in her body. It would be wrong somehow. He's standing behind me now as the casket is being lowered into the ground. My body with Buffy's soul is in there. It was a closed casket obviously. I didn't make any of the arrangements but my body was so mutilated and messed up it would have to be a closed casket. I keep wanting to open it and let her out. I feel like she's trapped in there.

The headstone has my name on it. It screws with me on so many different levels I'm not even sure I could describe them all. No one is supposed to see their own headstone or funeral like I just did. It's just not natural. Wanna know the worst about that part of it? No one even showed up except Giles, Willow, Xander, and Joyce… and me, "Buffy". That's all I had in the world that gave even a tiny rip. Buffy would have had a lot of people come to her funeral and it's not fair that they didn't. A lot more people loved Buffy and she didn't even get the funeral with them there that she deserved because of me. Hell, she didn't even get a headstone that said her name on it. It's like she didn't die in so many ways it makes it hard to believe she has.

They finish covering the grave with fresh dirt and I stare at the headstone in front of me.

_Faith Lehane_

_Born December 14th, 1982_

_Died May 8th, 1998_

_Loving daughter, friend, and sister_

_She saved the world, a lot_

It ain't fair that most people will never know that this is where Buffy really is. It's pouring right now like it always does in the movies. The sky looked just as it had in our picnic dream before it opened up and began to let the world know it's opinion on the subject. Obviously it doesn't like it anymore than I do. Everyone else pulls out their black umbrellas. I don't have one. I can feel the huge angry drops land on the blonde hair of Buffy's head and Xander gently pulls me by my waist underneath his, doing his best not to look at me all the while. I don't blame him. I want to just stand out in the open and let the rain soak through me but I can't because that wouldn't be taking good care of her. See? I can't even do what I want anymore because it wouldn't be me who is doing it. It would be her. Or at least her body and I can't do anything to mess it up. It doesn't belong to me and I wish she would come back to claim it.

Don't know if it's usually like this at other funerals, but this is one of the most depressing moments of my life. Me and Buffy's funeral here is the first one I've ever been to. Xander still has his arms wrapped around me tight. Black isn't Buffy's color.

Willow's been acting funny lately. I mean, not that I know her well or anything, but I think she has. Every time she looks at me she seems like she can't decide whether she's mad or wants to cry. She probably wants to cry for Buffy and is mad at me for having her body. But I honestly didn't have any say in the matter. If I had, it would be me in that casket with my body right now and Buffy standing here with her friends.

Joyce comes up to me teary eyed and hugs me. It freaks me out the way she looks at me now. It's not right. She wants to pretend I'm Buffy and I'm not. I know she doesn't do it on purpose though. I want my own body back. I want my dark wavy hair and brown eyes and light skin back. Buffy's features are opposite of mine and are fine but they are just not me. I'm not a blonde.

I have to go to school now. B actually made it this far with passing grades. The least I can do is try to finish for her. As much as I hate it, as much as I know I shouldn't, I just haven't given up hope that somehow she'll come back and when she does, she'll want her body and life back to way she had it. So I have to keep it for her that way. Jesus, I'm not even living for me anymore. I have her life instead of mine. And all she has is my mutilated messed up body rotting inside a box six feet under.

"Faith?" Willow comes over and whispers to me.

I look up at her expectantly. "Yeah?"

"Meet me here tonight. I have an idea." She looks up at Xander. "You too."

He nods his head.

Joyce takes me home. She's still crying as she drives and I feel like it's somehow my fault.

"You know, Faith, Buffy really loved you." I turn and look at her. I know she did. But if she hadn't she would be alive right now so that kinda took away anything good about the fact in my eyes.

"We have to make her proud. She wouldn't want to see us like this. This was her choice." She looks me right in the eye for a moment. "She wanted to give you everything."

"She did." But all I wanted was nothing. I don't deserve everything.

"Well," She patted my (Buffy's) hand "I'm sure that you'll make her proud. You know she used to ask me for a little sister? She used to beg me for one all the time when she was younger and she finally got one."

"Why did you take me in?" I know I shouldn't have asked, but it just slipped out before I could stop it.

She doesn't answer right away, obviously trying to pick the right words or something. "Well, at first I thought it would just be temporary. Buffy had told me about you before and I wanted to meet you and then when that happened to you she said she needed to take care of you for a while. She said it just like that, as if you were her responsibility somehow. Then when I saw you come out of the hospital with her I just kept thinking how alone you looked. Buffy explained about your mom later."

"Explained?" Ok, I'm confused, how did she know about my mom?

"Yeah, all she said was that she thought she had passed and that you never said anything. And I just thought 'well, if I can handle one slayer, I might as well have another.' Everyone needs to have family Faith."

"She didn't tell you about me being a psycho bitch?"

"I think that she just had you wrong at first. You do tend to give off a more extreme impression. I think that after a few days of being around you more she just saw you for the sweet girl you are and accepted you for it."

I look down at Buffy's lap, still in the dark about why she would do such a thing. I'm not a sweet girl by anyone's definition.

"You know Faith, it's a big sister's job to protect. And she knew you have been through a lot so I think she was just doing what she felt was right. And I don't blame her for it. I'm proud of her and I'm proud of you because I know you would do the same, that's what you were trying to do. You were trying to protect my baby. This isn't your fault. Buffy wanted to do it."

I stare out the window until we got home and then went straight to my room. My room, the one that Buffy had threatened to paint pink, the one that we had a paint fight in together, the one that she kept placing picture frames in with pictures she would take of me and her and the gang. I looked at a framed one on my dresser of me stirring brownie mix while she had another big wooden spoon full of it halfway in her mouth. She had brownie mix all over her lips and we were both laughing. Joyce had taken that one. She and Joyce had taken pictures of me constantly and she was always placing the best ones in frames and giving them to me to put in my room. I guess she knew I didn't really have any of before and she was trying to let me know that it would be different now. She was so good to me.

It's time for me to go see what Willow wanted I guess.


	18. spell, fight, and prayer

Author's note- yeah, I've been crazy busy and all and no, I'm not gonna sit here and list my excuses because I doubt anyone cares. Sorry it took so long and thanks to anyone who is still reading.

"Why'd yah do it Buffy?" Xander stood over her grave, flowers in hand, trying not to cry. He sat the flowers he brought down and sat in the grass. "I care about Faith, a lot. And I'm grateful. But why did you have to die?"

He heard a voice from behind him. "Because if I didn't she would have." Buffy's voice said simply.

He didn't turn around, fearing that if he did no one would be there. "I miss you. Faith's a wreck. She hasn't said anything, but I know she thinks it's her fault."

"She acts so independent, but she needs someone to take care of her. She doesn't know how to trust people and I know I haven't helped." He could even smell her, like the perfume she always wore. She smelled like vanilla.

"You did the best you could, Buff. You took her in and died for her." God, he just wanted to turn around and hug her so badly.

"Exactly. I got her to trust me, and then I died. I couldn't help it. I don't blame myself. But please, for Faith's sake, don't hurt her. She acts tougher because she's more fragile." He could feel her hand on his shoulder now. "You'll take care of her?"

He nodded solemnly. "I will. I miss you."

"You already said that." She paused for a moment. "I miss you too."

He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help himself from turning around to look at his best friend now. The wind blew in his face and she was there, walking towards him from a ways away.

"Buffy?" He choked out, a little bit louder than he had intended.

Her eyes furrowed a little when she came closer and she shook her head.

He let out a big breath. "Oh, Faith, it's you." The boy took a step forward and pulled her against him in a hug.

She didn't hug him back and when he let her go she backed up and crossed her arms. She couldn't let feelings in like Xander was right now or it would kill her and she couldn't die… she couldn't let Buffy's body die. "Yeah. You alright Xand?"

It was Buffy's voice coming from Buffy's body but it was Faith that was talking. He tried very hard to look at her like he would look at Faith instead of Buffy.

He shook his head. "No. Have you seen Willow?"

"No, she should be here any minute."

He nodded and looked at her, desperately trying to finding Faith underneath Buffy's hazel eyes. It took him a minute, but he saw her, she was down in there.

"Hey guys." Willow walked up from behind him. She seemed strangely upbeat considering and was even smiling.

The fact that she was just angered Xander and depressed Faith. Faith held up a hand as a sign of acknowledgement and Xander nodded his head and shoved his hands down into his jean pockets.

"Wanna bring Buffy back now o-or just stand there?" She smiled and walked past them, sitting some things she had brought down on the grass above Buffy's grave as the two stared at her like she was completely insane.

* * *

Giles sat in the living room of his house cleaning his glasses. He had gotten the call that another slayer had been called a few hours after the funeral. _I believe they said her name was Dipa. An Indian girl. I doubt we'll be seeing much of her._ Giles shook his head sadly, knowing that no one could ever take the place of his Buffy for him. She had been more than just his charge, she was the closest thing he had ever had to a daughter and he loved her as if she were.

Maybe that was why she was dead right now. It was his fault. If he had just been a better and more distant watcher he would have seen this threat before it was too late and done something about it to protect his slayer. He silently cursed the world for choosing her in the first place. She had deserved better than to die at eighteen. It just wasn't right. With all his books and knowledge and training he couldn't do one damn thing about it. He hadn't meant her to use the body switching device that way.

It wasn't that he didn't care about Faith, but Buffy had been his slayer, his little annoying American teenage girl. He wasn't expecting her to die after telling her about that. He was expecting her to figure out a way to defeat it. But all slayers had there weakness. Their Achilles heel and Buffy's had obviously been Faith. Had it been anyone else but Faith fighting him for her she would have been alive today. And the fact that Faith was walking around in her body as a constant reminder was making the situation a hundred times worse.

* * *

Two vampires attacked about halfway into Willow's little ritual spell thingy in her attempt to bring her best friend back. Faith led them away from the spot to the other side of the cemetery so Willow could continue without disruption but the two vamps ended up being quite a fight. She didn't mind. She had some serious frustration she needed to get out anyway, and whatever Red had been doing was weird and a bit too crazy for Faith's taste. She had never really been into spells in the first place.

She managed to dust one of the vamps almost immediately but the other proved to be a lot more difficult. It took her almost thirty minutes before she finally dusted him as she did not have a stake with her and she had to improvise with a broken tree limb. The dust settled all over her and she quickly tried to shake and rub it off Buffy's body, knowing that if she had been here it would have annoyed her.

She walked back to Buffy's (Faith's) grave and watched Willow cry into Xander's arms. She had cuts on her arms and some gooey liquid something smeared on her forehead. She hadn't really seen Red cry much since Buffy died like she would have guessed she would. Maybe she had been in denial up until now. Whatever the reason, reality had defiantly hit the little witch now and she looked miserable.

So, it hadn't worked, she thought silently. Faith hadn't really expected it to. Sure Willow could float pencils but bringing people back from the dead? Faith had never even heard of that being done unless it involved zombies or vampires and she didn't want Buffy to come back if it was as one of those. She herself understood very well that, as a slayer, becoming a vampire was the absolute worst and lowest thing that could ever happen to you. She had no doubt that Buffy would feel the same way on the subject.

Still, if it made Willow feel better to know that she had tried something, than she figured they should let her. She stayed back a ways from the two, feeling out of place and figuring she'd probably just make it worse. Xander looked up at Faith to let her know he knew that she was there, but he needed to get Willow home. As Xander helped Willow up and began walking her out of the cemetary, Faith noted that it was probably a good thing that it hadn't worked since Red hadn't even brought a shovel to help her get out of the grave she would have been stuck in with.

She sat down in the grass near the grave and stared at the headstone, imagining in her head what the words should be that were etched into the stone. Maybe she could just sleep here tonight. The grass was wet and muddy from the rain earlier and it was a windy night, but it wasn't like she hadn't slept in worse places. She just wanted to stay close to Buffy. But then Joyce crept in her head and she knew that her foster mother would be worried if she didn't come home soon. She was probably worried now. It was a nice feeling to know that. To know that, for the first time since her watcher died there was someone around to care whether or not she came home at night.

She stood up to leave, but only few minutes after Willow and Xander were gone, Faith got a strange feeling. That little itch in her gut that told her she was missing something. Something was off. She tried to shake it off in typical Faith fashion and walk away but couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from Buffy's grave. It was as if something was beckoning her there. She felt the need to get closer to it, to stay there. To do something but she didn't know what.

Finally she walked over there and traced a hand over the words "She saved the world, a lot" and made up her mind. It would be a big mess and would probably just upset her into crying again all night, which she had done a lot of lately when she knew no one could hear her, but she had to be sure. She had to know. She couldn't take that small non existent possibility that Buffy was in there and that she was leaving her buried alive inside a grave to rot.

Inside the nearby crypt, she found a shovel and ran back to the grave, digging furiously through the soft muddy ground until she hit the casket. Then she froze in disbelief and strange fear. She was standing on top of the lid of the coffin and it felt like something was beating against it from inside. She leant her head down to try to hear something, anything that told her Buffy might be alive.

There were banging noises that were coming from inside. Faith jumped up out of fear and hope and terror, quickly finished getting enough dirt off the top so she could pull open the top. But before she could a hand suddenly cracked through a piece of the wood and reached out. Faith hesitantly reached out and took the hand in her own, holding it with her own shaking one.

"Buffy! Are you in there?" Faith yelled up against the wood.

The hand let go of her and retreated back into the coffin and Faith hesitated for only another moment, terrified and creped out beyond description at the situation, before coming to a decision. Who knows what Willow could have brought back in that thing.

The whole situation felt like an eerie nightmare and she began to wonder whether it was. But in the back of her mind she knew she wasn't. Even her fucked up self conscious couldn't mess with her on this kind of level. If this wasn't Buffy she didn't know what she'd do. She hesitantly reached down and tore the coffin lid off.

And there she was. In the white dress from their dream staring up at her with Faith's own large brown eyes. She seemed bewildered and in some kind of shock, which Faith couldn't blame her for. But she was here. The wound at her head only a scar and body alive. _Buffy._

Then came the next big scary idea in Faith' s head. _What if it wasn't Buffy? What if Willow had accidentally brought back some demon or thing or other person, just in my body? What if it isn't my sister? _

Oh Jesus, if you're up there, please, please, God, I'm not good at this whole praying thing, and I know I'm the last person you'd listen to, but please let it be her.

"Buffy?" She hazarded as the brunette slowly stood up in the coffin, her long brown curly hair blowing behind her in the night's heavy wind.

Her dry cracked lips parted a little and she didn't say anything, but just looked around in a profound kind of confusion.

"Buffy? Is that you?" When she spoke again the sound of her voice seemed to pull the brunette's attention back to Faith. She stared at the body Faith was in with huge eyes for a long moment as if she were terrified.

"It's me, Faith." Faith spoke quietly, knowing that even if it was Buffy she would still be very confused right now probably.

"Faith?" She asked carefully, and almost disbelievingly as she stood there. She reached a hand out to Faith and Faith hesitantly took it. As soon as she did she had no doubt what so ever that it was indeed Buffy. She could feel it. The slayer thing that she only felt when she touched Buffy and no one else. She carefully pulled Buffy out of the grave and helped her up onto the grass.

"Buffy. Thank God." She hugged the still in shock girl in front of her like it was the last thing in the world she'd ever do that mattered and looked up to the dark star filled night sky as her eyes filled with silent tears.

Thank you. I won't forget this, God. Whatever I said or thought about you before I know you gotta be up there now. Thank you. Thank you. She repeated in a whisper as she continued to hold on to the slightly taller girl. It wasn't meant for anyone to hear but Buffy picked up on it with her hearing and just barely managed a smile.

This chapter took me a while to figure out exactly how I wanted to go about it and get it right. Remember, I love reviews, even if they aren't complimentive and just tell me what I did wrong. If everyone gives feedback and I know people are still reading I'll try to post another update later this weekend. Thanks again for reading and I hope that you enjoyed it


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